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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Grogginess and Abrasiveness

HO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUM!

That's me yawning. I'm tired! I already wanna use a sick day, but I know that's not cool. To make another person work for me because I don't want to. Although you might not believe this, I've never taken a personal day. I have taken a lousy sick day, and by lousy sick day I mean that I either had a headache or body ache that limited me from wanting to do shit or I had eye pains or redness that limited my vision and it sucks cock to work at a computer when you're having trouble seeing shit. Then I'll call in. I'm not on my death bed, but I'm not singing, twirling around in a meadow in a dress, in the Alps either.

Which, doesn't it seem like those are the comparisons: you're either dying or 102% healthy, you can never be middle ground, and if you are, and enjoy your job, middle ground is still healthy, you pop a Benadryl and you make things so. When you're dying or wishing you were dead because you're unable to swallow and a mouth breather since your nostrils and head are stuffed and you're leaking snot and mucus all over yourself in a clinic waiting room and you've hoarded the tissue box, everyone considering it belonged to you, that you brought it in with you. No, it was once at the receptionist's desk. When it probably wasn't even safe for you to drive yourself to the clinic you're so miserable, leaving the pharmacy with like fifty little paper bags with instructions stapled to the outside of them, get yourself home and don't reconsider calling in, take some sick leave.

I, on the other hand, am alright. Never will I say I'm doing just fine it's always, oh, I could be better.

I think what's bothering me is how helpless everyone acts. If you aren't guiding them through everything by the hand, the most simple of tasks will always be so difficult for people. When Google couldn't list off any brain fart you had and was curious to search for on the Internet, you had to do a little research. What was at your disposal? An encyclopedia, journals, records, essentially books. You might even utilize a phone. Hohum, another yawn. I'm almost positive whatever quarry a person has about the computer is in regards to something irrelevant.

You want to know how you can get some revenue -- tax the Internet. You should also legalize marijuana around or near the time you decide to tax the Internet, you'll see an economic jump that's never been recorded before. Tax each person who uses the Internet, make it almost impossible to have free access anywhere. Hell, I can't get on open networks anymore because my neighbors have utilized placing a key phrase or password on their network. Remember when nobody did that and you could pick up a signal anywhere!? Then along the way someone mentioned most routers come with software to prohibit outsiders from stealing the net, and I think a movie or two was made, and someone became rich writing a book, no, an anthology on the practice, now everyone guards their backdoor. So tax 'em. There once was a shoe tax (repeat those words) there once was a shoe tax and a hat tax and a brick tax and a masturbation tax.

That's why there was not an economic crisis until our country was like a clown car and everybody was invited in. Or stole a seat. In a clown car? Okay okay. Everything had a tax. What freedoms we now have, huh! And we still can't get it to work. How spoiled we are, no one is holding anything over our heads. We don't have a king squeezing the inheritance out of us. We have a congress with the assistance of a stir crazy media using fear mongering against us.

And for crying out loud let the New Yorkers decide whether they want a mosque at ground zero. Obama opening his fucking mouth about it, Jesus, take a page from the Clinton book. You don't have to answer every question asked, you arrogant fuck! Cut his microphone! The federal government doesn't give a shit about ground zero. That's not hallowed ground to them. I'm still suspicious of the reasons why America was attacked. To stage a patriotic uprising in our own country; to boost the approval of nationalist power or to help fuel a holy war between Christians and Muslims? There's ulterior motives at hand. Communists used to stage events as propaganda to snag the opinion of their opponents, sort of like saying, tragedy was averted by the efforts of the Kremlin, this is what your country does for you, your country protects you, love your country. It's a thought. All I know is, what's the big deal whether you build in the location of an old Burlington Coat Factory where you can love the way you look, I guarantee it, two blocks down from supposed monument to the victims of 9/11, why the hell can't they have the mosque some place else. Are their other groups located around that neighborhood; a synagogue across the street, how about the nearest location of a Catholic church, where's that in vicinity of this Burlington Coat Factory? There's NOTHING! And it's to my knowledge that they can't even afford the renovations needed to turn the BCF, the KFC of clothes, into a mosque/community center, so where in the hell will they get their funding, overseas organizations or in-house? Shit like that makes my showers longer in the morning.

It's relaxing to stand under a sprayer hosing me down with warm water most of the time in the early morning right after I woke up. Being fully undressed helps. You don't want to be wearing a suit and taking a shower. Or maybe you do, I don't know your lifestyle. I have myself a plethora of shower-thoughts, most of them running down the drain with the soap and shampoo water because I'll be drying off trying to rethink what I was rambling about in my head in the shower and those thoughts are lost from grogginess.

Hunger. We just can't seem to live within our means. I get a new paycheck every month, the first thing I start doing towards the end of the month is figure up how much of that next check I can spend and how much needs to go away. They have a term for such practice - it's called budgeting. I need new headphones. I liked the cup-style of my old pair of headphones that snapped on me during my vacation in Wyoming and Montana. I've looked around and I don't think I like the way some of these manufactures are forming the earphone part of the speakers. Too much over the ear, I can guess I'll ear-sweat all over the inside of the cup. Not an important investment. Neither is a UK edition boxed set of the Harry Potter books or the HBO cowboy drama Deadwood for the first time on Blu ray. It worries me to think about how much money I've spent on useless shit; money that could have been building if I had only entrusted it to my bank account. I mean it's already paid for. I like cash, and if I make a card transaction, it's debit. I don't have to wait for a deduction at the end of the month or a bill for that matter. I've tried reasoning to myself, like Willie Nelson once said, what you earn you should spend. O nagging guilt.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

HEAT AH HA!

Summer weather is hot, naturally so because our hemisphere of the world is directed right at the Sun; our axis tilted toward the sun, staring it down, gettin the ol' interrogation...

Jesus, personally to Jesus, it's fuckin' hot out there! Hot like Vietnam. In points of the heat and humidity, there's no air. A dead zone of heat -- the sweat making your clothes cling soaked to your skin. That's uncomfortable. It makes you question when you are among friends, am I sweaty down there? Do I have a huge sweat stain on my lower back, when really it feels like my shirt's wet. Drenched in sweat. My ass crack has to be wet. I've felt the sweat travel. A stream to a swamp.

Pools are a splendid way to beat the heat. I always imagine an extra dressed in an awkwardly rotund and cartoonish Sun costume, getting punched in the head by Thor's fist, get it, beat the heat? I have never imagined that whenever I say beat the heat. I'm kidding. Yes, every day should start out with a joke, like that video of the college elitist screaming, "Hey, don't taze me, bro! Don't taze me bro!" He was asking for it. That always leaves me in stitches. Or a joke about religion that makes you audibly express a AH HA! before clamming up and going about your day, maybe you're in striped pajamas with your zoo animals printed sheets, a joke is told to you, and you wake up right at its closure and express an AH HA! It's immediately time to brush teeth and no more mention of the joke. That's why I'm glad I'm not Asian.

The Japanese are starting to Americanize even though it's still awkward to see police with batons who know karate and can wield their weapon surround you blowing whistles and pointing in your direction if you cause a disturbance, like out of nowhere firing a gun in public, and by firing I mean unloading the clip. Afterwards, you surrender your weapon lying it on the concrete pavement, showing you surrender it with your hands in the air, and then walk away, hands sliding to your pockets, whistles getting blown. Have you really done anything wrong? Nobody's dead it just stirred people up. Ah, but you shot in the air and what goes up comes down. Try it sometime. You have every right to. Awkward Asians are those worried about losing face, so they get strict instead of their intended stoic outward appearance. Never smiling or laughing, and say you did tell him an inappropriate joke. He'd break your arm and your back! Don't worry about the Japanese flipping out on you like that since Shintoism is quickly being replaced by Judaism. AH HA!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm an Angry Old Man

I'm going to clarify something because in my last post I mentioned gardening, and how it's becoming a fad and not so much something you do as a hobby -- maybe your parents or somewhere down the line, a relative, convinced you to pursue gardening -- and it stuck. Whatever the reason, you like gardening because it's now a tradition and invokes lovely memories of your childhood with a favorite aunt or grandparent. That's sweet. Whatever it may be, you were raised on appreciating gardening.

Other things to consider before I move on. What is the difference between a fad and a hobby? A
hobby is either an activity or an interest for the purpose of pleasure (HAPPINESS) or relaxation (TRANQUILITY) seemingly executed while a person wastes time. Truth be told, whenever you think, "I have nothing to do Saturday, I'll build a model ship," you are wasting time. Let me sneak in the definition of a fad, and then I'll come back to the topic of time. A fad is a practice or interest followed for a time with exaggerated zeal. Why gardening is not a trend? A trend is a movement. When there's a trend, there's a tendency to want to do it. A fad is an interest. You are interested in gardening, interested in learning to garden. Know the difference.

Wasting time is not a negative thing. I go to work to waste time, I eat lunch wasting time nourishing my body, I wash the bird shit off my car wasting time; wasting time meaning I bust into Time's home with a big gun while he's doing a fat line off the belly of a floozy and fondling a coked out, toothless, topless whore's sagging tits next to him, just a laughin' it up, and I waste that junkie. Time doesn't take what you do with it into consideration, every expired second is past-tense, so what you consider to do with time is irrelevant. And further more, our notion that what we see as time, actual time, is meaningless. We like to think we know time.

Now I might have just spoiled my opinion that gardening as a fad is a joke. If you have a spark of interest to do something, that's pure involvement. I say it's a fad like this new garage sale clothing fashion within the female culture. All this loose, cheap material for clothes that's not durable, that's a fad. You look like you just stepped out of the 70's. Clothes aren't designed to last anymore.

You're supposed to wear the item of clothing maybe a few times, and then go out and buy more shit, all made from cheap in quality distributors who make a killing buying cheap and selling loads more for a lot more. There's an example of a trend. This is the new thing because it works, we'll buy it regardless.

Fad deranged people will go out in their thin as tissue paper clothes that they've layered to match the other crap they wear, with their retro handbags, and they'll go out to Lowe's with a wikipedia intelligence on how to keep a potted plant alive, and buy more flowers than they know what to do with. They might live in a house or apartment with a terrace. If house, they've cleared ground for planting. Perhaps they have even gone as far as to ask the landlord if it's alright to grow some shit out on the roof of the apartment building, and since their apartment is next to the roof exit, they can go up there freely with a corner of the roof devoted to their plants. The reason why this notion is so appealing is they've seen a representation of such a venture and it strikes them that, "This is what I need in my life, let's make it happen." Gardening is a fad to these people because usually if they can't get it to work more than once, they abandon the notion all together. Right, to save money they spent on plants or seeds. Right. They don't have a green thumb. Right, right! Green thumb.

Are you positive you want to consume whatever it is you're growing in a cluttered and smog environment like, let's say an apartment complex rooftop in the heart of New York City? We're talking all the hazardous emissions from cars and automobiles all around you going into your food, how is it that your plants and vegetables aren't misshaped and not a natural color as the depiction on the packet of seeds? Instead of red ripe tomatoes, you get sickly yellow with dark tarnish spots on the skin tomatoes, that taste like an exhaust pipe. All speculation.

If you can't grow your stuff in a safe, clean environment, maybe you shouldn't be gardening. Yeah, tell that to those who treat gardening like it's a fad. Something they've picked up for god knows what reason, just to do it because everyone else is. And get this, I hate to garden. My reasoning because I have to get out in the sun, a big ball of hot in the sky that usually burns the shit out of me. Fuck putting on sun screen all the time, I've already got terribly bad oily skin, you don't have to go outside all the time, especially when it's way too fucking hot, I'll keep my white ass indoors thank you. But sure, for those who can't sit indoors to sit and relax or do something indoorsy you always have to be doing something because life as you know it is absentminded calamity, let's do this, now that, hey I've got an idea before you can enjoy what we were doing not twenty minutes ago...fuckin ssssllllllooooooooowwwww dddddddooooowwwwwwwnnnnnnnn. Not everything needs done right now at this second. You probably have way too much going on as it is.

Recap: if a garden has been a prospect of yours since before you owned your home, break some ground and grow some shit. If you sit around thinking up new ideas in order to stay in the loop and one is, "You can pretty much garden anywhere, why not outside on the terrace," or, "I'll ask Mr. Feefer when he wakes up at 3 p.m. if I can go on the roof to start an urban garden," you're a tool. I'm sure you loved Taylor Swift, then hated Taylor Swift for whatever reason someone else told you to hate her.

Most people with successful gardens have learned to do it right, and by learning from someone else, they have learned the trade and are good gardeners. They didn't just one day think an urban garden was cute, or read about a society of people who are die hard gardeners, and they just decided to plant some shit. Put some thought behind what you are doing.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Violent Candy, Shitty Luck, Lickers, Bathrooms, and Deplorable People

Has it been that long since I've ate an atomic fireball that now they taste weak, or did they change how they make them? Maybe it's my taste buds (it's probably my taste buds) but I used to refuse to eat these because they would literally burn a hole in my tongue. Now it's the equivalent of Big Red gum. This was, from the very beginning, an uncomfortable candy. Imagine putting a real fireball in your mouth. Now measure its impact in the megatons. ATOMIC FIREBALL!!


A little over a year ago, the Japanese government officially recognized
Tsutomu Yamaguchi as a double hibakusha, or the Japanese word for a person who survived a nuclear bombing. Tsutomu Yamaguchi was confirmed to be 3 kilometers from where "Little Boy" was detonated in Hiroshima while he was on a business trip.
"I remember one business trip to Okinawa, I was supposed to be comped in a five star hotel, and you'd think five star, best in the world. The mattress I was on was lumpy, I
fuckin' hated it, there's no turn-down service, I had to make my own fuckin' bed, and some douche bag on the floor above me was having a disco that lasted ALL FUCKING NIGHT!" "Hey asshole! The city I was in while on a business trip was obliterated by an atomic bomb!"
He was seriously burnt on his left side and spent the night in Hiroshima. He got back to his home city of Nagasaki on August 8, A DAY, what shit luck, right, before "Fat Man" was dropped on the city, and he was exposed to residual radiation while searching for his relatives. He was the first officially recognized survivor of both bombings. Just imagine being in your house, relaxing, or trying to because the skin on your left side is peeling off and the pain makes it uncomfortable and downright excruciating, you're having to sleep on your right side or right in the middle of the damn bed the whole night and the whole morning and afternoon. You glance over out your window to the horizon, and be damned if there isn't a God damned mushroom cloud. "Fuck, not again..."
Some people believe they bring bad weather with them when they fly to visit relatives far away, and weeks before the climate where they're visiting was nothing but sunshine and cool breezes, then your aunt arrives, and it's nothing but rain and thunderstorms, and let's say she lives on the northern west coast where it's almost always cloudy. This guy brought an atomic bomb with him...


I thought it was bad when everyone in the NBA decided, "Hey, let's all act like a bunch of players with a peanut in our heads, and chew on our mouth guards like college players or high school players, like the mouth guard wasn't there to protect our teeth, and was really there for us to teeth on like a baby's teething ring." Then I noticed a new trend making its way through the NBA -- licking your lips.

Especially the
Lakers. Odom whips that pink trout around his lips like he's eating out the fat Kardashian he's married to. And if he's not married to her and just engaged -- I don't rightly know if they're married, if they're not -- by this time in the relationship she's his wife. I just know showing your tongue, showing your teeth like Kobe did Game 4 of the semis in last year's playoffs, getting a gay, spikey bull-dyke haircut like Sasha Vujacic, is doing absolutely nothing to improve the look of the Lakers. And I boil it down to one man in particular...Pau Gasol. Is there anyone in the league as goofy and gawky as Pau Gasol? Perhaps I've stated that before. I know one thing for sure, to hear Russell Westbrook of the Oklahoma City Thunder admit his favorite player is Pau Gasol is beyond appalling! NOBODY should like that goofy mother fucker, and admitting you do should be like looking upon Medusa's gaze and being turned to stone, only you become a lumpish maladroit with a gay, sweaty curly cut hairstyle, and pasty ass skin.
Back to the topic of tongue-lashing, it's just as worse, even more so than showing your teeth, and speaking of
Pau Gasol, every once and awhile he still does show his teeth! Kobe has now started to lick. Don't you know you look like a fucking dog. No! It has just come to me. They all look more like a couple of school children. I don't know about you, but when I was in the first grade, and subsequently going as far forward than that as third grade, there were certain kids in my class who would stick out their tongue, let's say, while concentrating hard, or completing a project, at some points even out of frustration. They couldn't refrain from doing it, it was always, "Doing a rough and complicated multiplication problem, gotta work it out," tongue sticking out the side of their mouth. These same kids I'll see out in public, I'll run in to them on the street or at a restaurant, when they decide to calculate up how much of a tip to leave behind for the wait-staff instead of throwing down a five and a few bills, which is a damn good tip by the way, they're not still sticking out their tongue crunching the numbers up in their noggin, nor do I ever see them with that tongue outside their mouth doing anything else other than going down on a chick. What the hell started them on that whole pretense, and further, what's stopping them from doing that now? Was it when they entered the fourth grade that they decided, "hey, you know what? I look like a dumb ass!! Why, if I refrain from sticking that half-portion of my tongue out the side of my lips, maybe people will start realizing I'm not a homo (in the unintelligent vernacular)
Put that fucking tongue back in your mouth! Jesus Christ, will it be like this every fucking year!?! I don't know if it started this year per say, but it's already a fad among players to dance in front of the camera during the shoot around. I can't really say anything against that because it is entertaining and I guess cool to see some of my favorite players strutting their stuff. Hell, years before it was cool to arch your arm after a shot, it seemed good luck to do a free throw attempt without the ball in your hand, to mimic the free throw before you took it as if to improve your stance. Steve Nash, Ray Allen, countless others, have all licked the tips of their fingers to improve, I'm guessing once again, traction on the ball. If you must greatly more so spread germs while the balls in your hands, so be it. Everybody wants your strep throat or stomach flu!
What will it be next year? Let's all bump our heads on the soft part of the goal moments after making a drive with the ball and performing a stellar power-play like Kevin
Garnett. Let's all look like a bitch like Mike Bibby!


I'm not too big on talking while using the restroom. I am trying to piss, my back is turned to you, and if you're at the urinal next to me, I'm not going to make eye contact with you. Just forget it. Plus, are you absolutely going to have a stellar conversation with someone while peeing? Do you talk to people while they shit, as well? What if the person you are talking to is shitting while you're just standing there, flapping your gums at the stall door. Great! Enjoy the fierce smell of that person's fury.
It's too much.
If you want to communicate, wait for me outside, or simply meet me up at the sinks. I'll talk to you while washing my hands, in fact, when have you ever had a bad conversation when mirrors are involved? Every row of sinks in a bathroom has a mirror. You don't even have to turn towards the person you are having a conversation with, you just look at their reflexion in the mirror. Hell, you could be grooming yourself and still have a respectful conversation with a person in the mirror if you must talk in a bathroom. And for the other people around you using the bathroom it's discourteous. Who knows what the hell the topic of the conversation is between you and this other person. You could be talking about the discomfort of catheters, or pet food that tastes the best even though it's for animals. Nobody wants to listen in on a full conversation taking place in the men's room. Don't think for a second everybody is just ignoring what you people are talking about.

Another strange thing about this blog topic is when the bathroom is completely empty. Let's say, instead of a restroom full of men, it is just you and this other person. Seriously, you can't wait to have this conversation out in the open, you have to have it in the privacy of a restroom? Do your business and then talk, don't walk into a bathroom and start talking. In fact, once you are through the doors, just keep your mouth zipped for a while, at least until I'm through doing my business and I'm up by the sinks, and that's if you both walk to the restroom and go in together. How about stumbling in on someone washing up as you walk in, and then walk up to the urinal, and in these cases, that's the situation, I'm specifically talking about when you are using a urinal. I've used stalls before and commented on the things a friend of mine was talking about. Was it weird? Yes it was. But it's understandable, you're not out there. Nobody can see you in the stall, unless they want to see your feet.
I'm talking about when you walk in, unbeknownst that another individual is even in the restroom, the door swings open and you walk in, and there's someone you recognize, drying their hands. Talk about a surprise. What are you supposed to do, hold it, until they are done talking? I guess it really depends on who the other person is. For instance, a good friend is beyond the door, then I might be inclined to hold it, again depending on the situation. If it's diaherrea, there's no question. You rush in, ignore the friend, and take a shit. You might even apologize, but let's face it, that other person has rushed out of the bathroom hearing the explosiveness of your bomb in the stall. If it is a bladder expanded beyond the comfort zone and you're actually doing the potty dance holding it in, you might as well forget communicating. This calls for emergency action.
Maybe you feel the call, but it's not an emergency. Hey, then we might have a little small talk before I go relieve myself. But there's still something we aren't taking into account for, and that is, what if the person in the restroom, as you go in, is a conversationalist, or, a person who can't limit the amount of words that come out of their mouth. Maybe the person is a psychopath who will have a completely random conversation with pretty much anyone they come in contact with. How do we approach this? Well...you could suck it up, and have a lovely little chat with the person in the bathroom; I warn you, this could be lengthy. Or, you could do what I would do in the situation, and just walk out of the restroom, and find another place to do your business, like, another restroom. If they follow you to the other bathroom, then you can have a conversation with them about why they would first continue talking to you knowing full well you walked out on that conversation in that bathroom, to find some place more private, and two, this is their second visit to a restroom. The bathroom before -- that was where they were previously, and hadn't they already used the restroom? Now it seems perculiar that they would follow you to another restroom just to talk to you, and if I know psychopaths, they don't like to have you point out that they're nuts! So more times than usual, they will slink out of the situation knowing they are in the wrong, they might mutter to themselves, imbarrased, but more importantly, they leave you to your peace. Again, more times than usual, they won't be waiting for you outside the restroom to begin talking to you again. This is because they are still imbarrassed and want more than anything to halt all imbarrassment, and leave you alone today. If by chance they are waiting for you outside, it might be time to tell them that you don't like them, and they need to leave you alone. Obviously they know you already which is why they initiated a conversation in the first bathroom with you in the first place. This might be the best time for you to tell them they are harrassing you, and that you only talked to this person in the first place, way before you heard the call of nature, a year or so more before this blog was wrote, when you first talked with this person because you were at work, and you have to be friendly with the customer while at work.
The office relationship really screws you in the end. You have more of an opportunity while at work to meet unsavory people because you're a completely different person than you normally are because again, YOU ARE AT WORK. Most people will put up a front, masking how they normally treat complete strangers because it's written, usually within a code of conduct that they must be friendly to the customer. You have to be afforble. Why this is, I don't know. I don't know why employers do this. Every bad situation I can think of, where I'll be out in public, away from work, and a nutcase who recognizes me from work stops me and chats, maybe we're in a bathroom when this conversation takes place, or, speaking excusively of bad situations, every time a customer gets too friendly with a worker, usually begins stalking them because they feel there is a connection between the two because again, they have to be too nice -- it all could have been eliminated if the worker were able to tell those customers, “Look, I know you want companionship, but I don't like you, nor do I like acting like a fake person in order to please you. Please walk away.” No, we have to smile and make the nice.
Most of those people you make the nice with are those you wander unbeknownst upon in the bathroom, and they always want to chat with you. It could all be completely averted had you not had to make the nice with them while at work. That's why if you find yourself at a job where your employer could care less whether you were nice to the customer, that's a win in my book. Treat people like their a bunch of liars.


Don't you think some people need a good ass-kicking? Or really taking it to the ultimate extreme, don't you kind of not feel so bad when you hear on the news that a guy was shot to death in a junkyard? Sure, you should always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but you never even knew what type a person that was. What if they were a fucking thief getting their just desserts, or had an abortion. Wouldn't that be like murdering someone? And the answer to that extreme is no, it isn't like murder, and a person getting shot to death in a junkyard is pretty messed up on our part, as humans I mean. We kill each other in anger sometimes. Other times out of jealousy. Screwed up, isn't it?

So, we choose to look at it like this: some people just need the shit kicked out of them, or if we could shoot to maim, yes!! What bothers me is, and I guess it still bothers me since I've stated this before, but people out there mess and harrass and meddle in other people's lives just for the hell of it. They get a rise out of it, like tormenting another person is amusement like some sort of game. Yeah, a game would be a great description for that. Doesn't it seem like some of the angst is done just because the other person thinks they're better than the person they are fucking with? Yeah that's awesome. Piss someone off for the fun of it. I'm the same person telling my readers (reader) to treat complete strangers like a bunch of liars.
Why is it a good idea to treat people all as equal liars, cheats, degenerate assholes who only care about their own personal gain? To instill humility? No, it probably has something to do with the majority of people being selfish assholes who will lie and cheat to get their way. And then there's other people who read into certain ideas a little too strongly, taking everything out of proportion. Most of these people are also very, very dumb, ignorant and brainless lemmings. They fall into believing all the latest fads and crazes, like those douche cunts who think gardening is so cool now most likely in an attempt to grow their own vegetables, thinking it's smart and productive, cost efficient in what they believe is a society scared out of spending because of the recession. Wrong. More like everything from video games/online gaming to the way we shop and purchase our groceries and goods has made a huge profit seeking capitalist switch in order to rob more money from the precious budgets set in action to prevent overspending by the same worker as discussed before who happens to hate his fucking job. He most likely smokes pot to self medicate because he doesn't fucking like the shift his world he once knew has made. Maybe he's an alcoholic, how about a pill-popper? Maybe he actually takes a hard drug in order to remain positive, but still suppressed. Or oppressed. But mostly subdued and caged because we wouldn't want Americans rioting would we, the likes of Greecians. Keep them civil and protesting, pacifistic and non-violent. Lashing out would just get them hurt. This brings us to another group of people. Pussies with an attitude and a loud mouth. People who won't actually do anything if provoked into a fight, but they won't prevent themselves from calling you a cock sucker and a faggot first.
Forget it, they all deserve to be talked down to and made to feel like idiots. If they prove to be wiser, perhaps cut them some slack. Be a little less condescending, maybe see how they digest a witty pun. Be funny. You never know. They could actually be cool.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Downers

Who's bracket had Michigan St., Duke, West Virginia, and Butler all going to the Final Four? Who possibly had those picks in mind? I'm glad Calipari got beat out of it. Serves him right. Not even Cawipawee could last. KU might have become the laughing stock of the NCAA, but Kentucky also found out what it's like to go in to the most important game of their post-season and have an off game.

As much as everyone doesn't want to admit it, these kids ballin' in college are not the NBA. And even with that being said, the NBA has some inconsistency. Just look at the Lakers. Oklahoma beat them on the road. It would've been better to have defeated them at the Staples Center, but a team with Kobe and the greatest players in the league in other people's opinions, mainly Jack Nicholson, should have annihilated teams like the Nuggets and the Trailblazers. And boy, when the Lakers lost to those teams, Kobe reamed his fellow players, calling them useless and embarrassments. What a leader...

All I've heard are excuses from those who bleed red and blue, and who have the ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK chant as their ringtone. "They should've been given the breaks like Duke this year and UNC last year. KU was the best team in the country. Coach K didn't even deserve the bracket he was stuck in, going up against piddly teams the first 3 rounds of the tournament." "I'm still content with the allegation that the referees can't see every play out there, most of those old geezers popping Aleve just to keep up with the pace of the game. They're too tired and old to be out on the floor officiating." "Yeah, blame the officials! If that foul were called an offensive charge, we would've pulled through. One more pair of eyes should be on the court. 3 refs, 4 refs, the more the better to keep it fair." The fact of the matter is, everything KU put up didn't go in. Not even Collins or, for that matter, Henry could win this one for them. Aldrich fouled out. Farokhmanesh was a three-sinking maniac! The better team didn't win. The better team had a lousy night, and let UNI kick the tar out of them.

Also, K-State shouldn't have won against Xavier. Really? You force it to go into OT, and still can't nail the coffin shut? 2 OT's because you let Xavier tie with you, topple you, then tie with them again. These two weren't evenly matched. And what good did it do? You went in to the Butler game the next night with shot knees. You let Butler in! That's like surviving four hordes of zombies in a zombie apocalypse, finally closing the steel-enforced doors and sliding 3 crowbars through the door handles, then laughing with your blood-soaked buddies as you all walk back to you safe-room, and then realizing, "Shit the bed, we only secured one door in this abandoned elementary school, and was that just me, or did you also hear something break through the glass windows lining this hallway. We're ignorant! We focused all our attention on one area of this school..." Bad analogy.


I feel sorry for the female sex. You try and look your best, driving home or to your casual destination, that fucking green quickly turned red, and now your stuck at the light, minding your own business, and some ignorant fucker in an SUV peers over and thinks, "Jesus fucking Christ, that girl's got it goin on! Let me heckle her while she's waitin at the light, maybe she'll suck my dick!"

"HEEEEY!" Not yelling from inside his car, but across the way, at the gas pump at the gas station on the corner of the intersection. "HEEEEY! Girl what's goin on!?" Does he just stand there and yell at her? Not likely. Now he's making his way to your car window on the passenger's side. "Girl, roll down your window, let meh holla atchu!" And finally, you give the moron the finger and tell him to fuck off your car, and go back to pumping gas. He finally gets the message.

I like to go for walks. I happened to be standing at an intersection in my hometown, waiting for the orange-reddish hand to turn in to a whitish man indicating I had the right to cross the street. Thanks to a gold Buick something something stopping adjacent to me, the whitish man appeared on the cross guard quicker than expected, though, since the intersection had a car with the green arrow yield whatever the hell you know what I mean, the gold Buick had to sit at the intersection and wait. And that's when I heard, "HEEEY!"

At first, I thought, he probably knows that person in the car, he's saying hello. Why point out that you know another individual when they are waiting at a red light, in their car? If you recognize them, why not catch them in a better setting, you know, where you two can actually chat, and not where the other person will have to leave you in the dust once that light turns green. Better yet, if you think you might not see that person again, just wave. You don't have to ask them how they're doing. It was here that I noticed the female in the gold Buick was pretty and fairly young. She's either a short person, or fourteen with a learners permit. Then I was thinking, wow, what an age difference! The guy yelling HEEEY! is like 37 and this chick barely 15! Maybe they work together... Before too long I hear, "Girl what's goin on!? Roll down your window, girl." Cat-calls!? What the fuck!?! Are you expecting her to unlock the doors and let you jump in her ride? Weren't you pumping gas? Why don't you pay more attention to how much that tank of gas is going to cost you because you're driving a fuckin SUV!

And then the finger! Awesome, there's your answer, mate! Go back to your vehicle and stop calling girls out more than half your age. Retard. I wanted to bust up laughing at the jerk, pointing and calling him a dumb fuck. Dumb fucks usually carry knives, and I didn't feel like being stabbed, so instead, I blogged it. Happy tax-season y'all!

Monday, February 01, 2010

Bags Within Cereal Boxes and a Much Desired Victory

Why is it that Frosted Flakes come in a wax-coated bag that tears down the middle every fucking time you try to rip it open? I've never opened a Frosted Flakes bag properly. Once it tears down the middle, that's it! Be prepared when you accidentally spill cereal all over your counter top when pouring it in to a bowl. Might as well remove it from the wax-coated sack and in to a Tupperware bin because now you have to worry about it spilling out of the bag and in to the bottom of the box when you get it down from the cupboard. I don't know about you, but I never eat any of the cereal that's not in the bag; once it has touched cardboard, it has strayed away from the safety zone. It's indefinably contaminated.

What a catastrophe! Honey Bunches of Oates doesn't come in a wax-coated bag, and get this - Honey Bunches of Oates with Almonds doesn't either, and the cereal has almonds in it! How about that Kashi cereal with the fucking berries in it - real, fresh -- well, not fresh -- but chewy fruit in WITH the cereal, and it's in a normal bag! Obviously, wax-coating isn't applied to lock in freshness. Damn you, Kelloggs, God should damn you to Haiti!


The Kansas University Jayhawks have defeated the Kansas State University Wildcats at the Wildcats' home court. This happened January 30th, and the Jayhawks survived the Wildcats with defeating them by 2 points. What I like most about this event: KU not only beat K-State on their home court by 2 points, but did it with a key player, Sherron Collins, injured, with both Morris' in foul trouble, Cole Aldrich in foul trouble, and Brady Morningstar and Tyrell Reed barely cutting the mustard, and after K-State's 7-hour pep rally/White Supremacist-resembling rally where people held up signs like I Hate KU Go Cats! while other students decided to dress up like chickens because somehow KU fans and players alike are afraid to play/attend games at the Bramlage Coliseum. Funny, and here I thought KU fans never stepped foot in Bramlage because K-State fans enjoy having sex with animals...

Unlike some people, I don't necessarily enjoy hundreds of screaming purple-people jumping up and down in the stands around me, waying a "we're number-one" finger up in the air (KSU is actually #13, which is a hard number to flash in the air with fingers, so they stick with one)

This is a very satisfying win for me. When K-State defeated KU in '08 at Bramlage, my local newspaper had power cat sprayed all over the sports section, convinced K-State and Michael Beasley were gods. Now that KU has trumped the Wildcats, our local newspaper ran instead highlights of some of the high school tourneys around the state. No front page cover story for the Jayhawks. I was infuriated when I heard K-State fans were talking up a rivalry between KU and itself after their '08 win. I realize Mississippi State and Ole Miss are big rivalries in their state, Texas and Texas A&M, Baylor, and Texas Tech don't get along, and NC State/Wake Forest and UNC are not what you would call the closest of pals, but come on - rivalries should be left to border-wars, not in-house feuding. It's a bunch of junk to talk trash! Especially against a team that is leagues better than another, like KU is over K-State.

I don't want it in my house! I'm not sure, but I can imagine KU fans in Lawrence are having a field-day with this win over K-State, but can you really blame them? All I've heard about since Frank Martin has taken up as head coach at Manhattan is how much K-State has improved, and Frank's connection with Huggins at West Virginia. Get over the Big East! The announcers last Saturday even had the nerve to bring up an entire conversation about baseball during the KU/K-State BASKETBALL game only because K-State point guard Denis Clemente is an offshoot relation of baseball hall of famer Roberto Clemente. And what do you imagine is discussed during mention of Sherron Collins in the past few KU games? How much better freshman John Wall of Kentucky is, and how Calipari has one hell of a starting team after dumping Memphis in the off-season. Why shouldn't he? He stole most of all his recruits and brought them with him to Kentucky, and now the Tigers are stuck nursing their wounds.

How about I take it upon myself to state how bad KU massacred K-State just because they beat 'em by 2 points in overtime!? Or how pathetic K-State is for losing a game they had won if only they could've watched the fouls against them, not attempted erroneous three-pointers that rolled off the rim, and if they would've stuck to the two-three zone defense. Mizzou rubbed it in every Jayhawkers' face that Demarre Carroll and his uncle/coach Mike Anderson toppled the powerhouse KU last year by a measly 2 points, even though KU was coming off four key players leaving for the NBA draft, and were only ranked so high nationally for winning the title the previous year.

Every newspaper in the KC-area had something to say about that game - how Mizzou had a better chance of going to the Final Four and could be the major threat to a UNC team that was the clear winner of the NCAA title from the get-go. What a bunch of smoke blown up our asses! I'll also state that it struck me a bit peculiar to see a smile on Martin's face the final minutes of regulation in one of his final timeouts, almost leaving me wondering, "Is that confidence coming off the revelation that while speaking to an official, that same official told Martin in confidence that the game was there's, that the officiating would see to the K-State win?" That's right, I'm saying the referees were paid off. And when Kansas was ahead by one, and Collins drove in for the lay-up/foul that resulted in a five-point lead in the final seconds of OT, it all rested on one man's shoulders and he bared the burden honorably, as he had a tough win to Cornell. Though in the back of every true fan of KU, we were hoping this wasn't history repeating itself with our only defeat to Tennessee.

So to conclude on this thought, KU was given the breaks by the officials, and when that got to be too much for the K-State bench and thundering crowd, the pendulum was swung in favor of K-State, the Morris' started fouling like last year, Cole Aldrich reverted back to his freshman year due to the referees believing a fair percentage of his blocks were swat fouls, and a deep seated team showed its true colors as a one-leading-star-carrying-the-game-team (What has happened to you, Xavier?)
EDITOR'S NOTE: Do you think I'm the one blowing smoke? Check out Cole Aldrich's stats for the Colorado game Feb. 3rd. I think the officials want to keep the game interesting. KU at one time had a lead of 16 points. I think once it gets beyond 10, the officials say, "We clearly can see how this game is going, let's mix it up." The Foul game. Statistically, KU was shooting free throws like they were blindfolded. A FT Made-Attempted of 18-38 (.474), and Colorado a 10-17 (.588). And what was Cole's 4th straight double-double consisted of? Blocks, which was exactly the killer of his game in K-State. Could he have practiced that? Absolutely not. And if they were practicing, it was drills. I'm sure a coach like Bill Self isn't sitting Cole down and telling him, "Tomorrow, Danny Manning is taking you and the Morris' to the hoop, and showing you how to block better. I've got video as well of previous match-ups where you've excelled at this..." I don't think so. Not to a junior all-American. They might've all looked at game footage, but I'm sure Cole knew what he had to do to correct that percentage. Be back home, or on a neutral court.

And still KU prevailed. Is Pullen overrated? I won't even go there. That's called integrity.


I had something else I was going to discuss, but I can't remember what it was. It was random, I know that much. And people tell me, why don't you get a notebook, and write down the idea as it comes to you. Well, then I get the pad of paper, and can never bring back the memories, and it's usually when I'm without a pad of paper that I get these ideas. Don't ask me why.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Fuck Rulers!

I don't think anyone ever uses a ruler anymore. I sure don't, especially for its intended use. Why, just now, I used one as a back-scratcher. I've once even used one to hit a person with. And when I was 13, I measured my dick with one, but I never use it to measure anything else. That's where measuring tape comes to the rescue. 12 inches is just too fucking short for anything.

Now when a ruler is used as a straight edge, there I can see its practicality. I draw lines with a ruler/straight-edge. I draw diagrams, I draw differentiating shapes, I construct perspective portraits of skylines and city blocks, I jam up homeless people with the edge of a ruler, I make horse-noises and clippity-clop noises with my mouth, but I never find myself measuring anything with a ruler. Take that, Andy Rooney!

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Christmas Post

You know what is always terrible on television? Anything on a Spanish network. Even if it's a soccer game. Wouldn't the game be more enjoyable if the commentary were in English? I realize Spaniards get very into the games/freak out during scored goals. It's only funny the first few times, than who gives a shit, a guy is yelling in another language. You know a show is terrible when they have to throw eye-candy in your direction, that of scantily-clad chicas shaking their cans and grinning like an idiot.

Why do people get so annoyed at the simplest things? A man sighs because he lost at an online poker game application on his Facebook. Is that business to you, important business that poker game!? Do you consider computer usage as a hobby because I've gotta say the only time I'd consider that is while I'm writing. For the most part if I'm on the computer I'm doing a task I want completed, it's not for leisure. Be it copying a CD, maybe even over to my iPod, converting files and that kinda jazz. That's why my fish are constantly sick in Happy Aquarium on Facebook, and next week I won't even be on a computer. Those fish will all be dead! A happy aquarium, no sir, a bowl of water and bloated, upside-down, floating to the surface, lifeless medley of sea creatures, and all they wanted were their little dry flakes of food. Is it insane to get myself someone to watch my fish at my Facebook site when I'm gone? That's not a real question, in fact I'd point and laugh at whoever would actually ask another person to do that, which is why I don't care what happens in an online game.
If you don't turn right on a red quick enough, or wait too long at a roundabout, people will berate you with hunks annoyed and pissed. Take too long ordering food and people are on your ass. In general if you are indecisive, get the fuck out of line that's how these fucks are, that's their problem.

I could complain all day about people. I've also noticed that there's a change in the freshness of your food depending on how the "interview" went beforehand, by interview I mean how well you ordered at the speaker box. You fuck up there, you can forget about your food being edible. It'll either be too cold or bland and lava-hot; they think they've got you fooled when all your food has done is sit under a heating lamp too long. This is downright gross when you consider breakfast foods; eggs or bacon that has sat out for hours. Gravy. On occasion a restaurant buffet can be just as bad. Where did you go wrong there, did you not hand the counter person your money right!? This place could get shutdown, persons could get sick, food poisoning, leading to a law suit, you'd wanna risk that!?

Is it healthy to have headaches sometimes days at a time? The day before yesterday, yesterday, not this morning, but so far this afternoon, I've had a headache, or do I mean headaches since I am talking about one major headache and the start of a second potentially major headache. Is it crazy to think you might have a brain tumor during frequent headaches? It really shows how much of a hypochondriac a person is if they think a string of hiccups might be everlasting like the guy who started hiccuping one day, and didn't stop for seventeen years. How is that even possible - that means that guy didn't sleep. You'd die if you couldn't sleep. What if you were achy and running a fever and vomiting and delirious, would you question the possibility of you contracting swine flu? I hate to say it, but my mind would be worried.

I don't like other people worrying, it makes them irrational, but hell I'd be fibbing if I said life was easy. There's always shit to worry about. You're always in debt somehow. That money you think you earn from a job, it's only loaned out to you. That money collecting at the bank, it's the bank's money, in your name. You can do whatever with it, but it's not your money. There's a girl that comes in sometimes to the place I work. I want to walk up to her and ask her number, but I worry about rejection, or if she'll say she's flattered, but she's gay. How old will I be when I die, and if it were to happen soon, was my life worthy? Worrying just fucks with you, doesn't it? You venture down that road, and goodbye optimism! Once your a pessimist like me, it starts to show in your face and your behavior. I'm looking forward to living a life spent losing. It feels that way if you can't get through shit. No matter what, if you can suppress it, at least you aren't letting it destroy you. No matter what, if you can deny it, even accept it, and forget it, you can look at the bright side. Maybe you have a close knit relationship with friends that helps you avoid thinking that way. Keep them close.

I respect the work coming out of THE WALKING DEAD, a monthly comic book where the dead are reanimated and devouring the living, and a group of survivors make the best of it. If that were to ever occur, emotionally, people couldn't handle it, or would deal with it drastically. Every character of that comic is taking this differently. It's truly amazing from a psychological sense.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Uh Oh, Joe!

Arguing is fun! That's the shortest way of expressing a love for verbally battling another person - well - I guess you could just yell ARGUING! and maybe people would understand that you get really enthused over arguing, and that perhaps you love doing it, I don't know. I know one thing, I got involved in an argument yesterday over something I care nothing about in this point of my life: politics. The downside of this was I wasn't the center of the argument, I was kind of an observer while two other people argued. It could be construed that the two were just chatting, but one of the persons involved spoke at length, while the other made his point and outright opposed the other. Now that I think of it, perhaps the two were merely debating, and I'm stating that they argued to blur the lines between arguing and debating. I've always characterized debating with two persons either standing at a podium speaking their minds on a high school theater stage, or in some type of auditorium, or, sitting by a lamp in winged-back leather upholstered chairs sharing finger sandwiches and periodically stopping their banter to sip hot tea.

A brother to one of my friends brought to my attention an article about South Carolina Republican Joe Wilson shouting "You lie!" at President Obama during Barack's speech to congress on health care, I believe last Wednesday; I've placed a link to the article on here, so why retell it, eh? You can fuckin' read!

Rep. Wilson was then called a racist by some of his constituents and others who weighed in on his outburst. Back to the argument, it started out like this - Clayton posted the link to the article, I read the article, then replied this:

"Many watched the rancor at last month's town hall meetings with suspicion that the intense anger among some participants -- including signs calling for Obama's death and a movement questioning his citizenship -- was fueled by the fact that a black man sits in the Oval Office." (Quoted from the article) (My reply) I understand how that could be taken as racism. A republican calling the president a liar...ya, not so much.

Calling Wilson a racist for shouting "You lie!" just because he's calling a black person a liar is not racist. I have a feeling most of the people constantly pulling the race card don't understand the definition of the term racism. Stating that Wilson only interrupted the president because he had witnessed similar outcry at the town hall meetings where numerous signs were thrust in the air with hateful-to-outright derogatory statements about the president written on them, doesn't make Congressman Wilson a racist. The fact that he spoke out against a black man who happens to be our commander-in chief, and that he's white, makes him a racist.

Whoa! WHAT!? Yeah I fuckin' said it! Obama is our white-knight, apparently - well, black-knight, I guess, considering he's a black male...and he can't do anything wrong. A white male criticizing him can only mean, to some folk, that the white guy is a racist, and doesn't like Obama. Barack Obama reforming health care, treading dangerous ground by changing the way that system works, maybe altering it for the good or bad, those opposing him, mostly made up of the other party, Republicans, Congressman Wilson being a REPUBLICAN from South Carolina -- that's the reason why he's unhappy with Obama and calling him a liar, not the fact that the person he is calling a liar is of a different race than him. It would be different if Congressman Wilson played the town crier in Charleston, walked up and down Amherst Street with a megaphone, shouting, "All you niggers better get outta my town!" If he had prior history of racism - yeah, there's a good chance he's a racist. Remember this because I'm gonna bring it full circle a little later.

After I made my comment about the argument, some Star Wars fan made a Rancor joke - rancor in the sense of the Star Wars-beasty and not unflinchingly, deep-seated ill will as is the definition of the noun. The joke was brought up because the article has the word rancor in it, and not because the person has a recurring sexual fantasy regarding a Rancor from Star Wars eating his mother singing La Vie Boheme from the musical RENT, while a dominatrix pours hot wax on his nipples while stepping on his genitals.

The brother of my friend stated this after the rancor-comment:

"This is like forcing people to fear criticizing the government or they'll be damned as a racist. In my opinion that's going down a dangerous road."

This was when battle commenced! A guy by the name of, oh, let's call him Jam because I'm not comfortable with using a person's real name on here, Jam decided to put in his two cents, saying:

"In this case, a sanction is not a violation of the Congressman's free speech. The rules of decorum on the floor are considered highly important, and involve both acting in a manner befitting a member of the Congress and not speaking when you are not recognized by the Chair. He broke the rules by shouting angrily at the President of the United States during an address while he did not have the floor. Technically, if this offense were considered severe enough, he could be removed from office for it.

That part has nothing to do with racism or party or the content of his message, and everything to do with the functioning of Congress. He broke the rules, and he is being duly punished for breaking the rules.

Anything more than that is public discourse, protected by the First Amendment."


Way ta go, Sam, I mean Jam! I agree, the only punishment Congressman Wilson should receive should be for interrupting the president while he had the floor. That's not fuckin' cool, man! They got strict rules as to when you can speak at those hearings, and he just decided, fuck that shit, I'm speaking out! forgetting all entirely that he was at a congressional meeting. But a racist!? I don't see any racism in that.

That was a short argument, right? Well, it didn't end there. Here's what the brother of my friend had to say:

"I'm not defending the Congressman's actions, what bothers me is that they want to turn those actions into a race issue."

...oh no he di'n't! This is gonna end in blood! Jam countered:

"They can say that he's a racist for disagreeing with the President. It's protected under the First Amendment. Similarly, you can call them weak-willed sheep that ought to just open a church already and quit dragging their feet. That's also protected. :) See how this works? Everybody's unhappy!"

You mother fucker! Everybody's NOT FUCKING happy! Mr. Sunshine-on-my-fuckin'-shoulders, you think this shit's over! You wanna dance the fightin' dance!? Circlin' and circlin' with our switchblades out - this is not endin' well..for you! Let's turn back to my friend's brother; see what he has to say about it.

"lol, good way of looking at it"

...


I told you to remember something; do you know what that was? Well, it was me saying if Congressman Wilson had a history with racist remarks, or, even just outbursts on the floor or in interviews prior, we might have ourselves a problem.

In 2002 during a live broadcast of the C-SPAN talk show Washington Journal, Joe Wilson (hey I know that guy!) alongside Democratic Congressman Bob Filner were discussing Iraqi WMD's. When Filner said that the US "gave" Iraq "chemical and biological weapons" in the 1980s, Wilson said this idea was "made up" and replied, "This hatred of America by some people is just outrageous. And you need to get over that." Wilson ended up apologizing for that little fiasco as well.

In 2003, a woman by the name of Essie Mae Washington-Williams revealed that she was the daughter of Senator Strom Thurman who Wilson worked under, and that Thurman had a child with his black maid, Essie being the product of that affair. Joe was one of the first to deny the claim, which there again, he called a black person a liar, and stated that Thurman would never have a child out of wedlock. After Thurman's family acknowledged the truth of Williams' claim, Joe Wilson had to apologize once again, but still retained his opinion that the woman should have kept her mouth shut because it smeared Thurman's name and legacy.

What might you say is my opinion of Joe Wilson? Well, to be frank, he's kind of a loud mouth, and in the words of Sarah Palin, a tad bit gungho! He's quick to spout his opinion, be it right or wrong, in most cases wrong, without all the facts to his knowledge. I'd say if you are a Republican against Obama's health care plan, or a nay-sayer to health care reform in general, shut your fucking mouth and open your ears. Hear all the opinions, all the information about it, before you blow your horn. And remember, your president is a figurehead. I'm sure Pelosi and the majority of the House and Senate are really whose behind health care reform, considering Obama's proposal was totally fucking different from what is planned for health care NOW. I think he found out that just because he's president doesn't mean he can propose something, and it'll be the word of God, sort of say, or written in stone. He could have flat out resisted, and done a Bush signing something in to law that hasn't been fully analyzed, but I'm sure he was given an ultimatum nonetheless and told to play ball, and the fact of the matter is, Barack Obama isn't George W. Bush. He's willing to listen.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

To a psychiatrist, I might sound negative because of my consistent use of the word hate, but I hate house flies, I hate double-sided DVDs, I hate men with spiky, teen-hair wearing light-and-"sunny" colored dress shirts, I hate the fact that you can get everything relatively cheaper shopping online, and I hate mustaches.

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!

House Flies: is it just me or are house flies harder to kill? You get one buzzing around in the blinds of your windows, and you might say to yourself, "well, well, well, you little winged cunt, I've got you now," as you use the environment against the fly by slamming a fist into the blinds nearly severing the annoying piece of shit in half, but relatively only smashing the bugger into the glass. He had it coming. Moments later, he's seemingly returned from the dead, this time lingering around the ceiling so you are forced to get up from whatever comfortable position you were in on the couch, and the next thing you know, you're chasing that little bastard all around the room, cursing each time he narrowly escapes the fly-swatter. Speaking of fly-swatters, they just don't cut the mustard anymore unless you're an ex-ball player, or have a death strike of a cobra. I have a feeling flies have learned how to harness our armor-technology.

Double-sided DVDs: it's bad enough one of my discs in the first season box set of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia got scratched because it wasn't properly inserted into the protective casing or came loose while being shipped, but fuck me with a lit cigar, it's worse when both surfaces of the disc are readable; I'm talking about dual-sided DVDs. They just warrant the disc unplayable within a year of use. Hell, all the seasons of Quantum Leap on DVD are double sided, and the first time watching the first disc on season three, sure enough the son of a bitch skipped during the whole episode of Black on White on Fire, in which Sam leaps into a black medical student during the Watts riots of 1965. That's a very emotional episode, and Sam barely manages to live through it. Do you think I was able to follow the plot when Sam was at a barbeque and then the disc skipped to a scene where a car was on fire, and Sam was getting ruffed up by policemen? Mother fucker. It's like handling plutonium when you are trying desperately not to smudge or scratch or smear the surface of a double-sided DVD. You have to hold the edges, but be cautious - if you get a fingerprint on either slick surface, be prepared to start the movie, and then stop it almost immediately because the DVD is skipping. And is Universal that much of a whore - on each disc or "side" of the DVDs for Quantum Leap I first get the trademark music and world globe sequence credited to Universal before the disc menu, I get it before each episode, I get it before playing certain special features. What in the hell?

Men with spiky, teen-hair wearing light-and-"sunny" colored dress shirts: this look is not impressive. Don't ever gel your hair and spike it up. You're not an adult. And to dress up, choosing a mango-colored or pineapple yellow buttoned-down shirt to "catch the eye" - what are you thirteen and a pussy? How are the World Championship Croquet - Semi-finals going this year? Why so sad - did Smoothie King run out of Yerba Mate - Pomegranate mix?

A guy came in to my work sporting this look. Also, I had a handicapped man who was stuck in one of our chairs - each time he tried lifting himself from the computer chair, he fell backwards in it, frustrated. I could've helped him, emphasis on could've, but I wasn't going to. He just kept falling down, and I kept ignoring him. Finally, the man who had come in earlier with the spiky hair and "sunny" colored buttoned down dress shirt shuffled over and helped pull the man out of the chair, then gave him a quick once over to see if he was okay, patted him on the shoulder and said, "There you are, sir!" Your flashy dress shirt wasn't enough, you had to save a man from being stuck in a chair!? Fuckin' boy scout, return the shirt to Banana Republic and start wearing a fuckin' cape, or better yet, a man's shirt!

Shopping online: I think credit card companies want people to stay in credit card debt. Those cheap, flashy prices online can distort a non-smart person's view, and that person could blow large quantities of moneys on a few items because of a drop in price from in-store inventory. Everything online is relatively cheaper than what it's marked in the stores. I'll cite Walmart.com as an example. On Walmart.com, the box sets of House M.D. are mostly $20, or a little higher for seasons 1-4; season 5 was just released, so it still has a hefty price tag. Universal (fucking UNIVERSAL) has collected the first five seasons in a convenient, legitimately low-priced boxed set, which at first I thought was a little contrived. The series will soon run its coarse in the next four years, so a full boxed set of the series will come out after the final season. And of course right as I speak, fans of the show could simply download all the seasons from a torrent site and save the cash. In a way this is absolutely brilliant, but I'm the kind of person (moron) who, sure, downloads all the episodes and has them stored on my computer, and also buys the DVDs. There's nothing wrong with doing that for your favorite shows.

Who wants to be on their computer that long?

Don't you try something out before you buy it!? I'm not gonna blow $50 on release day for season one of something just to see what the show is like. Forget the hype. 24 sucks, people. Lost sucks. If I wouldn't have known about the torrents, I might have said, "Oh, what the hell, let's get this one," rented it or bought, and if purchased it, I'd be having a bonfire right now, or making $20 less reselling it.

If I have friends who appreciate the show, I don't want to tell them to go and illegally download the content, I'll share my DVDs so they can watch episodes they've missed or get as hooked to the show as I am. The same with movies. Let me jump off that soap box for a bit, back to the markets. So, researching different prices at varying sites, Walmart.com had the cheapest price, but herein lies the deceit. On regularly priced DVDs of House (the in-store prices of 33-something a piece) you are given the option to site-to-store, shipping it to your location. Not bad considering no postage. Or, get the discounted seasons without the option of site-to-store, and you pay shipping - if you are doing what I wanted, which was to buy all 5 seasons, that alone would be upwards of a hundred some odd dollars, plus the interest rate from your credit card, plus tax and a charge from the store to your bill for the exchange being a credit purchase, all-in-all you're pretty much paying full price. Now, I went to my local Target store because I live in Kansas, and not in Wichita, Lawrence, or any other relatively large city within Kansas - Target, Walmart, and Hastings are my three locations to choose from. Target at one time had the 5 season House boxed set aforementioned, most likely the week of the release. But now they've opted out of that exchange, for you see Walmart now carries House in individual DVDs and have been since the release of the show's first season. After talking with an Associate, they didn't even order the 5 season boxed set, the reasoning, if I even have to say it, was because they could make more money selling the seasons individually. Target followed shortly after, pulled the 5 season boxed set, and is now selling the individual seasons, which they only have two, three, four, and five. Season Four was short due to the Writer's Strike, so it's priced $30, the rest are still $45 a piece. Going to the Walmart store in my town, they sell seasons one, three, four, and the fifth; the fifth season being the priciest, the rest $34. Hastings last had the seasons for $35 a piece, but only had one, four, and five. Obviously, if I wanted these seasons, it was going to cost some green, and I'd have to run around to get the best deal. Screw deals! And some of the shit you can get online for insanely low prices, some are awesome, in fact, a lot of those deals are awesome, but online shopping just pisses me off. Convenient, but slow. Great deals, but figure in the whole cost and it's only a few dollars less than on sight. For me, quality is a big deal. I ordered Quantum Leap and It's Always Sunny on DVD a couple months back. Because it was shipped, some of the DVDs are scratched. Quantum Leap again is a doubled-sided DVD release - scratching those fuckers is both easy to do, and ultimately damaging to the playback of the DVDs. I'll end up having to rip them to blank DVD-R's. It's Always Sunny had a scratched disc, and who the fuck knows, they were discounted. I wonder if they were previously viewed, though I'll never know, it was supposedly a "good deal" online...

I hate mustaches: Lip-ferrets are unsanitary. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't ever want to have to check my mustache for dangling nose-trolls, food particles, liquids, or for that matter, untamed renegade whiskers that can turn a primped, glorious 'stache into "OH FUCK, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FACE!?!!" Male news anchors from the 70's could pull off the 'stache, Joe Namath at one point of his career had a handle bar mustache that tickled a lot of women's nether-regions; that is fact! He didn't look great with it, and it was probably littered with unspeakable filth, but he sported it non the less. I can't grow a full mustache. That embitters me, I am left embittered and sour due to that fact. I can grow a weak mustache that pokes my mouth with whittled stinger, what I like to call, spider-fang hairs; it's way too itchy and uncomfortable - not a good fit at all, frankly. So maybe that's why I hate it that other people can grow a Magnum P.I. soup-strainer, or a Frank Zappa Imperial cookie-duster, the fact that I can't do it myself. Regardless, I despise the mustache. I want them hunted down and killed.