im not good at titling anything. i decided, since it's been more than a month since i've written here, to author in some usefulness. for some odd reason, i smell the stench of baby-sick; baby vomit, baby shit, baby powder, urine in a diaper, you name it! i smell baby! which got be thinking...who really wants a baby? you have to be ever vigilant with a baby; if it goes crawling off somewhere, you're fucked. baby-guarding everything is a bitch. covers over electrical sockets, locks on cabinet doors, sharp things in drawers and keep it all out of reach. those fence-looking things across the doorways of places not suitable for babies. you have to deal with diarrhea shit running down on your shirt if the baby has an accident while you hold it, gyrating about. milk regurgitated on your shoulder after you patted the baby on the back, when it was hiccupping. ever get shot in the eye with a stream of urine while you changed a shitty diaper? i don't like that; i don't feel like dealing with that on a day-to-day basis!
i plan to adopt when my time comes where i feel i'm ready to have a kid. i've heard people say, "but if you adopt, the kid won't look like you. don't you want your son or daughter to have your eyes, or your nose, or other facial features and so-forth?" i'm an unattractive man, thank you very much. do i want my kid coming out looking ugly as fuck in traditional standards? no. plus, you can adopt an adorable toddler or whatever-aged-kid you are comfortable with.
i don't understand the fascination with the musical, "RENT," i just don't understand it. "the music score is fabulous!" no, it really isn't! i still hear people humming or jiving to "La Vie Boheme" or "Seasons of Love," like it's Justin Timberlake or something gay along those lines. i saw RENT; I have no reason to lie. i went and saw the motion picture version the first night it was out in theaters. i'll be honest; i almost cried when Angel surcame to AIDs. And then Roger was having some kind of HIV/AIDs shit-fit, and it got emotional. Oh, and Mimi and her AIDs...and all the other AIDs. you'd swear it took place in South Africa, but alas, no, it's scenery is New York. and so many rich people actually adored the film and Tony Award-winning, Pulitzer Award-winning theatrical version. how funny, considering, if they ever saw poverty in real life, they'd try to mask it somehow. RENT made them look at the problem square in the eyes. there is too much poverty and sickness in the world, and these are the people coping. "how delightful! such a great love story!" yet, at the core of it all was a story about the things we try and ignore or forget. that's RENT for ya! the music is just a mix of Bon Jovi inspired, heavily-influenced Billy Joel shit, pooped out of Aretha. oh, and don't forget the drag queens!
instead of watching RENT, i think i'd have more fun sticking my tongue into the blades of a fan.
i've gotta give a tip of my hat to Tetris. every Reagan-baby should remember the block-stacking, cash-giant video game first introduced on the Nintendo Gameboy. now, it's been revamped for a new generation, and a better handheld, the Nintendo DS. though, old fans might not be open to switching from the low-quality Gameboy, to the elongated, stylus-wielding DS, with it's rich graphics, and 5.1 audio. i kid you not, the DS packs some heat. how could such a simpleton game like Tetris be a top-seller on the DS? it's quite simple - you open the handheld port to new playable mini-games on the DS, you offer 6 different playing modes, including standard block-stacking, better graphics and sound, and WiFi play - enough to make any retro-gamer ejaculate all over in Princess Peach's hair like Mario and Luigi do in the anime-porn you just now downloaded where the two plumbers fill both of Peach's holes! thumbs up, Tetris, you are still living strong!
now, onto bigger and brighter things. it recently occurred to me that people anymore are spoiled, with their lightning-fast internets, their daddy's money, and credit cards, but the one thing that's reached the point of ridiculous, is the cell phone. check out the Helio - comes complete with Myspace mobile, it's a camera - a multimedia device, and it's a phone! there are video phones, camera phones, internet-compatible phones, chat phones, MP3 player phones...the phone does everything now. and with that kind of power, a person will fight you in order for them to keep their phone. anymore, you have to treat grown adults like children, and tell them to either get off the phone or there is going to be trouble. "do i have to take that away from you and keep it, or will you shut it off?" it's become unbearable! can't you have your phone off for five, ten minutes. "but i don't turn off my phone because of emergency calls..." so an emergency in your life is knowing what time 'One Tree Hill' is on that night? an emergency could be your girlfriend coming down for the weekend, and you will see her in about ten minutes, and that would be the perfect time for you two to talk about God-knows-what, but instead, you have to talk to her in a public place, and you don't have Verizon, so you're breaking up, and have to yell. FUCKING BULLSHIT! GET OFF THE MOTHER FUCKING PHONE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! no, their life is in a phone. all the numbers of their stupid, douche-bag friends are in that phone. spoiled assholes. "my kid was too fucking cute to slap when they did something wrong as a toddler or child!" no, your fucking kid was a manipulative little prick and knew a cute face would get him/her out of trouble. maybe having an ugly kid isn't a bad idea. you would never have that moment where the kid did something stupid or wrong, and punishment was at foot, but you couldn't go through it because of a cute face. in return, the kid would try a cute face, but fail miserably, installing in that small mind, honesty, forgiveness, and, above all, humility. oh, and i guarantee at some point in that kid's life, he or she is going to say to him or herself, "i'm ugly as fuck!"
