Trailing Off

Who doesn't like a double-post?

Recently, I had a person comment to me that they hated those Microsoft commercials where it shows the little 4-year-old downloading and emailing pictures. To them, this was Microsoft's way of snubbing all those people who can't work a computer.

The person commenting actually thought Microsoft was offending them by showing a little girl doing something this person couldn't.

Here's the deal: this commercial is only one of like a dozen like it, most are shown on the web. That little girl was the first -- a 4-year-old who was sending a picture she had taken of her fish to her mom. The other commercials consist of other kids doing easy picture and picture slideshow-projects using Windows Photo Gallery. The 4-year-old was to show how easy it is to use Windows Vista Photo Gallery because if a 4-year-old can do it and you can't, obviously, Windows is wanting to alienate you from its market so you will never want to buy one of their computers. Yeah right. This has nothing to do with the fact that the person commenting about the commercial was an idiot.

If you've seen all the commercials, one here or there/know anything about what I am rambling about, or, at least can figure out the gist of this latest commercial campaign, you will have then figured out that Windows is holding this benign contest where a 7-year-old goes up against a 70-year-old trying to do a task in Vista, an 8-year-old and her/his 72 years-older counterpart, and a 9 and 90-year-old, battling to the death.

The commenting person asked me, "Then why haven't I seen the older folks' commercials," where I said immediately after his comment, "because they probably died mid-way through their task." I don't know, and I don't care. So a little kid can do something on Vista that takes us incompetent people with computers 10x as much time to do. I have some pretty awesome (ossom, or l337) computer skills, and Windows Photo Gallery, I could most likely, work with in my sleep. It is what is expected of a person who has worked around various computer systems his whole junior high/high school/college/employed-life. And by person, I mean myself. Plus, I take the advice of friends, and what they've done with computers, and added that to my experience after learning said-skills through advice.

I'm really glad a 4-year-old can work a camera and computer in the same day/time-frame. I was beside myself after hearing that Japan once again beat the U.S. out of the World Baseball Classic. No I wasn't. I could care less, but I did theorize that Japan took the title for the second consecutive year because they play with honor, and most likely practice way more hours than we do. Hell, they go to school longer than we do, study more than we do - out-performing us academically each year - and to really kick us in the balls, their children can dismantle-then-rebuild a plane using no instructions. If you are 3 years-old, you can build a plane in Japan. So, to see Americans aged 4-9 working a computer like a pro makes me feel less depressed when I think of our country's standing in education. We're not even in the top 10 on that list.

Am I apart of any worthwhile causes? Absolutely not. So where do I get off commenting on our country's education-system? Let's see, the past couple of weeks, me and Nathan have been playing Resident Evil 5. I like to play as Sheva, the badass female mercenary. Check out these moves.

God, those are some shitty videos. So pixellated. Thanks youtube! You'll also notice not much action from Sheva - most of the time, the camera system is tracking Chris, the dude, but she's back there, and she's tough! Most of all, in my opinion, she's the best character in the game, maybe even the best protagonist in the whole series of games. The girl has some pretty fantastic knife-skills. A lot more versatility than Chris Redfield. Yep, that was a video of the chick hopping on the shoulders of the majini and crushing the infected-man's head into the ground.

Not to say Mr. Redfield doesn't have any game. The guy punches through heads!

So that game is a lot of fun, and so are the prequels I'm playing through again.

I'm starting a writing project. Don't know what it'll be yet - an idea I've been toying with for 2 years now, and I'm finding a medium in which to do it in, but I'm not sure what to classify it, so it's just a writing project.

My hands smell like chicken. It's hard for me to get behind a good-flavored grape pop. A lot of it tastes like Dimetapp back-in-the-day, and not to be confused with today's Dimetapp. Today's Dimetapp could be cherry or that disgusting yellow, with that I don't know what that flavor is, but I don't want it in, or near, my mouth-taste. Or the almost as dreadful orange. There used to be a sweet orange flavor, until people started drinking cough medicine for fun. Our day's Dimetapp was grape. And no matter how hard you convince me, no one can stand to drink grape pop all-the-time, even if it kicks ass and tastes like back-in-the-day Dimetapp. No sir, or madam.

I have found a grape pop that I can stand to sip on once and awhile, but not chug or depend on for the rest of my days. It's Welch's and it's a pop that tastes like juice. I will get it occasionally, and on that note, whenever I rarely drink soda. Spontaneously, I might prefer a Coke over all else, or even Dr. Pepper, diet or regular. I can stand to drink just water or ice tea all week, sometimes all month. That, and the occasional booze. Coincidentally, I am a grown-up.

It's sickening how some people have to depend so heavily on pop or sugar. Sometimes it's beneficiary especially with diabetics. Blood sugars low - what's this? - GUMMY BEARS! A couple minutes later, you're bending cars in half once more! Other times, a person isn't consciously thinking about how much sugar they ingest, and tis not good.

Night Vision Goggles

You know you're a geek when someone catches you browsing night vision goggles on the internet, and you're actually serious about buying them. I fuckin' hate stubbing my toe late at night because I had to walk from the kitchen to my room in pitch black darkness, trying desperately to avoid obstacles and failing; I don't want to wake anyone up from their precious sleep by turning on lights. I do, however, end up waking everyone up when I stub my toe on the dishwasher, and exclaim, "FUCK" in the middle of the night.

These are called the NIGHT OWL

TACTICAL GOGGLES NOTG2

"The shit, in night vision-technology." - Stephen Hawking

The NOTG2 is one of the most advanced commercial night vision units around...and blah blah blah - what bothers me is the price of these goggles: 2,000 to 3,000 dollars!

Well, I guess I can't be too surprised. These look like what are issued to Splinter Cells.



And then there's these. Jesus - you'd look like the fuckin' Borg from Star Trek: TNG wearing these fuckin' things! I realize these are the kiddie-type night vision goggles, but Christ, I don't think I've ever laid eyes on something I could break easier; one misstep and oops, butterfingers, I've broken this headgear. I'd hold a contest where we'd see how long, or how short of time it takes to destroy these goggles. I reckon 10 seconds for me, in a room with a hardwood floor. $70 for goggles that take like 6-7 D-Cell batteries. Oh, sorry, 5 AA batteries, so these things can power up and be useful for an hour and a half. What a fantastic value!


No, I'm not going to buy Night Vision goggles. For one thing, I'd look like Buffalo Bill stalking Clarice Starling in Night Vision goggles. I'll save my $3,000 and try and lease a car! Show me a pair of night vision goggles that doubles-up as a vehicle I could drive to work in, for $3,000, and maybe we'd have a deal. I'll more or less rip off my pinkie-toe by stubbing it so many times than lay down that kind of money for something I'd maybe use for 5-10 minutes a night. And even then, I'd probably be stupid enough to flip on the kitchen or bathroom light wearing these fuckers and half-blind myself. I wonder if there is a way to make night vision contact lens???

A Snowball in Summer

This guy sweats way too much. He's the men's college basketball coach for Marquette - Buzz Williams - and the reason why he's so down-dressed is because he sweats too much. At the start of the the Marquette/Louisville game yesterday where the Louisville Cardinals fought hard and won with a 58-62 victory over the Marquette Golden Eagles, Buzz Williams had a snazzy dark sport coat on. Then he threw it off, perhaps in a fit of rage. While his back was turned at the end of the 2nd half, with a minute or so left in the game, I noticed why he displaced his sport coat - his back was almost entirely covered with dampness; it was a sight I'll never forget! Just imagine a wet stain on your clothes, about the size of Asia...he had that on his back; it was unforeseeable and devastatingly noticeable.

I've come to realize there are some pretty wet-looking people out there, or, at the very least, some people with overactive sweat glands. I had a problem with this back in high school; I don't know if it was the lights in the old gymnasium or what - because that was usually when I'd be the sweatiest, or if it was because I was playing a musical instrument; again, it seemed like I would sweat more in the old gym while playing in a music recital, or just stand sweating it out under those fucking old gym lights. And maybe it was not a conscious thing. Maybe deep down, I would sweat more in the old gym because it was a gymnasium, where most people would go for P.E. class or to work out or have sex... Or, again, maybe it was the lights. They were suspended from the ceiling and looked as though one might fall at any moment. And the heat omitted from them could easily start a fire if the light were enclosed in a small room full of flammable material. Yes, I was a person who should have used clinical-strength deodorant - all over his body - in that old gym. Buzz Williams would've melted in that old gym, and would here-on-out have to coach from a glass his coaching assistants would have to pour him in. The glass would most likely have a tiny sport coat around it, complete with a tie, to look professional.