Something Discussed, Followed by Something Else with Sprinkles of Random Somethings in the Middle...like Nuget

My supervisor was hacked off at me the other day because he tried to call me, to ask if I could work for another employee, and I didn't answer my phone. At the time, I was sleeping because that's what I do when I don't have to be at work in the morning...is sleep. It's a whole new concept; I wouldn't expect anyone else to know about sleeping in on days when you don't have to work...

His name is Steve. He has a mind much like my own, only, he actually enjoyed math back in high school, excelled at it, and now has a job where people who aren't as smart as he is bug him with questions all damn day. His hobbies include, but are not limited to, listening to an instruction one time, and fully understanding it, answering other people's stupid questions, drinking coffee out of a ceramic mug that says, "Monday Mug" on it -- when it's Thursday; re-wiring the building on a wobbly ladder that will one day split in half and most likely kill him or impale a sharpened bit of shrapnel through his abdomen, not killing him, but damaging his pancreas, which will later kill him. If he subscribed to social networks, that would be his description for his hobbies, not including others I have opted to not mention.

Steve wanted to know why I didn't have voicemail on my phone. He could've easily left a message and I could've gotten that later in the day. I told him I wasn't a big fan of voicemail because I hate getting the alert on my phone, punching in a code to get the message and then having that message be a "hang-up" where the person stayed on the line (God knows why!) I guess to listen to the lady feed him instructions on how to use voicemail, and then that person hung up when that ladies' voice wasn't followed by my own. I mean, what else do you expect -- you think I'm gonna magically answer, and be like, "Hello. I felt my phone vibrate; knew it was probably you!!" New rule: if you get to the voicemail options and the person hasn't answered, hang up, don't leave a hang-up voicemail. Or the, sigh, mumble a curse word, then hang-up-voicemail. Steve then said, "it's a lot easier to reach you if you have voicemail." Where I parried, "What's the point!? The odds are still against you that I would even reply to your voicemail message." Seriously, if I had voicemail on my phone, I still wouldn't answer it. No matter how annoying the alerts got, I wouldn't check my voicemail because I know that only my friends leave a voicemail, then follow it up with a text message; only work would leave a voicemail and leave it at that. Which I told my supervisor, so he'd say, "you purposefully ignore calls from work?" "Yes."

Steve would do that same thing if he had a more competent work staff, or a clone. Steve 2 would be assigned to the dirty work, and Steve 1 would smoke cigars and drink all day. And if he cloned Steve 2, Steve 3 With Avengence would clean shit up, and be responsible for Steve 1's girlfriend, except for encounters with her, of the intimate nature. Steve 3 houses the feminine-side of Steve 1, so he'd cook and clean to his heart's content and be able to express himself emotionally with Steve 1's girlfriend. Basically, the plot for the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton.

And with voicemail, and this is the funnest thing with all answering-machines, you get to come up with a message all your own. What sucks ass are the people who act like they answered the phone, so their message might be, "Hello?" and you say, "Hey, it's *so-and-so* what's up," and they're like, "Huh?" so you repeat, "It's *so-and-so*, how's it going..." and about this time, they say, "You reached my answering machine, I'm not actually here..." Son of a bitch! Why'd you trick me!? Those people never get called by me again. If that's your idea of creativity than here's my idea for excluding your creative upheaval -- I don't call your ass anymore!

I can't think of one thing I'd put as my answering-machine message. Just some dull salutation and a number in which you can call me back at. That's a true test of creative integrity, and those people who fake you out, have failed the test. And the punishment for such failure is the removal of that person's tongue. Since I don't "subscribe" to any type of voice-messaging service, I get to keep my tongue...and my dignity.