Computers vs. People, and not a random story

Within two days, I have successfully collected over 29 cookies and probes from websites I have visited while on my computer at work. Cookies are not really a big deal, in fact, a lot of them are just another website's attempt to sell your name off to other websites or to products you might be interested in on the Internet. One huge thing they are is an annoyance.

I generally sweep my computer about once a week, and I have to say, if I have 29 cookies and probes listed in my "ready-to-quarantine-file" through Webroot, what other little nasty hiccups and intrusions do I have on my computer that has not been cited?

Browsing through Myspace is like walking through a swamp full of hands that grab at your pants' legs and won't let go. The only problem is, sometimes you get away, and sometimes you unearth a body, whose mouth is constantly running, trying to advertise to you, or scam you into something you don't want. Having a firewall or virus/spyware and adware program is like giving you a fly swatter to smack the hands away; so...so many hands....

That swamp of hands used to not be so crowded; that swamp used to have a gravel road which you could travel down, and, in the off chance you were grabbed, their hand would break off leaving a bloody stump in the ground, and a morsel of bloody hand still clinging to your clothes. But alas, the advancement of technology has destroyed that little trail, leaving you to calculate a safe-route through the swamp. Sure, back in the day, you could surf the Internet and not worry about cookies or someone threatening the longevity of your PC. However, you have to take into consideration that back-in-the-day, we did not know as much about the difference between harmful and safe computer applications that we have the knowledge of today. So are we better off? Yeah, I would say so. And yes, people were trying to hack your PC back-in-the-day; hacking has a pretty extensive history, but today people have Norton, and the rich crop of other virus protection, spam protection, pop-up stoppers, cookie-munchers, anti-spyware and adware agents, and sweepers that weren't thought-up or in testing in '95.

A lot of this has me thinking of my computer as more of a child than a tool. Defraging your computer keeps your computer healthy. Update your Norton definitions every two-three weeks. Don't let your computer play in a busy intersection. Putting peanut butter on a CD-ROM and stuffing it into a CD-ROM drive doesn't mean you're feeding the computer. Give your computer a check-up by updating software and inspecting its many components; pretty much, HP and Gateway, Apple and Dell are all like foster care, and you're adopting a machine.

So what other things could your PC be? Well, if you're in utter desperation, sexually, it could be your girlfriend; gamers and PC-enthusiasts alike know exactly what I mean when I state that. The computer can be your organizer. Let's say you are so organized, every appointment of yours, every meeting, every little quintessential thing you do in your fucking life is recorded on your PC, as, literally, external memory. Shit, my PC is my journal; I log on to blogger about three, maybe four-times-a-week and unload upon my maybe one fan what pisses me off, what makes me happy, what's going wrong and right in the world, and maybe a random story or two. Yes, I'll state it! The computer can run your life! Some people use it as a friend they don't have at a certain moment in their lives, and I will elaborate; some people play computer games hours-on-end because it's enjoyable. In fact, in a new study, people who are stressed out all the time will release some pent-up emotions by playing violent video games, and people out there say, "That's where violent tendencies start," and blah blah blah. In-a-way, yeah, that's true, for mentally disturbed people. For normal people, they cope; fantasy stays fantasy. No I don't see the connection between violence in the world and video games because you don't see a person robbing you, holding an xbox controller, you do not hear of a kid who pressed R1, L1, X, O, Triangle, L2, Square or R1, L1, A, B, L2, Y to set god-mode and infinite ammo simultaneously, and then go blasting his or her school with his parents' licensed 9mm's or rifle. You do, unfortunately, see kids running around screaming, "I'm just like CJ from San Andreas...blittatatatatat," them, imitating, acting as though they were holding an automatic weapon, and pointing it at someone else. Censoring is not the answer because it's all imitation. You censor violent video games, you might as well censor television more because if they don't get it from somewhere, they will get it from somewhere else. Next, it's movies, then books, then our culture, our past, our present, our future, our way-of-life...now I am repeating what I have said before; the government can not have that much power. It's scary stuff. In an essence, a computer can be a provoker.

It's quite astounding thinking about the jump we have made in the last decade with technology. If change can happen that quickly, what's next around the corner? Computers replace people everyday. When is that trend going to end, or, are we seeing a glimpse into the future?

The Blame Game; Weddings and Honeymoons

Anthony Williams, a young black man, once said, "No matter how you dress it up, nigga is a slave name."


The word is treated as a term of endearment among black youth...hell, I really do not have a say on the matter because I am white. I am sort of teetering a thin line even bringing the conversation up, but I can't see as much stock in a word that has had such a demeaning past. It would be like my friends saying to me, "What's up, fat ass!?"

Some believe by using the word affectionately and often enough, they prove that African Americans can no longer be shackled to condescension by hatefully being labeled. Maybe it's as similar as a homosexual man or woman being accepting of the term, "faggot" or "dyke," and who is or are courageous enough to express openly that, yes they are fags or...dykes and say, "What are you going to do about it?" to those with abhorrence against them. I, on the other hand, can't spot the good in statements like those that are so hateful.


Some call for a reformation, stating the term should be purged from our culture. For those with that mind-set, they are too few and far between. Others suggest that if enough people get behind abolishing our past or other terminology; that if enough people were tired of the word, and this is just an example, "armadillo," they could erase that from the Earth as well, and just rename an entire species of animal in result, as well. To me, it's a lot scarier to erase a whole period of our past, then to simply move-on and coincide. If that's too painful or arduous, then I suppose the only alternative would be to blame our ancestors.

Why can't we blame them? Thanks for not thinking forward, and not looking for more environmentally-friendly vehicles and steam engines GE or Ford - god damn'it! Whoever designed the Titanic, thanks a lot for being a giant douche and not supporting a better rutter-system on your colossal-beast of a cruise liner. Oh, and by the way, I bet those people who drowned and froze-to-death in the chill, artic waters of the Atlantic were thankful of the asshole who suggested the idea of not over-stocking the boat with enough life-jackets for everyone who was poor. The walls of the hull weren't even thick enough by building standards, you son of a bitch, Mr. Thomas Andrews, chief designer...oh, and let's not forget the shipping company, Harland and Wolff, you cheap dicks! Then again, people have the option of saying whatever they like to one another.

Let's brighten the mood, shall we. First, I would like to discuss weddings and honeymoons. This past month, we have seen the date read 07/07/07, just like last year's infamous 06/06/06 (It's just an occurrence; don't look anything into it)

July 7th marked the number one day of this year for consecutive wedding dates. I don't know what the deal was with getting married on 07/07/07, if, for instance, it meant something or what; seven has ties with being the number of our Lord, so I assumed people wanted married on what they perceived as a sacred day. That is all well and dandy, but then I started thinking of the honeymoon being, basically, a sex-vacation. Now, I know not everyone is as relaxed with sexual urges as others, and the honeymoon can be the first of many times the new couple could spend with one another, relaxing on what I have always foreseen as a tropical paradise, decked out with steel drum music, cabana bars, and sparkling blue-blue (crystal clear turquoise water, like you see in the movies) bays, with other happy couples and possibly children, snorkeling in the ocean water. That would be the ideal honeymoon. Some couples, though, the first chance they get, place the "do not disturb" sign around their door handle, strip down to nothing, and give each other a "workout," if you know what I mean, with the windows opened, and the seagulls carry the ocean breeze on their relentless cawing, hence, the sex-vacation.

This, in turn, reminded me of the Las Vegas commercials, where the slogan states, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." If all you did on your honeymoon was sex each other up, what would your alibi be for not seeing anything, and just staying in bed?

"Hey Keith, you just returned from your honeymoon, correct? Jamaican isles, right? What'd ya see?"

"Well, ahhh....we saw a big waterfall...."

"A waterfall!? Cool...do you remember the name?"

"Well... (I remember we could see it from the hotel, while we had sex) ...no, I can't - can't recall....the name...."

"You must've seen more than just a waterfall in Jamaica, right?!"

(The room-service guy saw my penis...why did he only knock twice, and then enter?) "Ummm...we surfed!" (I remember having to shove Jessica off my...when that room-service guy barged in....)

"How was that?"

"I never could stand fully up on the board long enough to actually surf. I just laid on my belly, and paddled... (Can't believe we snuck out to the pool after hours...they had it closed for two days after that because they found "foreign bodies" floating atop the water...)"

"Probably embarrassed the hell out of you, didn't it!?"

"More of a scare really...I didn't know if they would recognize the stuff floating in the water...."

"What stuff in the water???"

(Shit! You're just about to reveal to your boss that you came in the pool at your hotel...be cool; tell him a school of jelly fish were in the ocean...are jelly fish edible? Did they close the pool after a kid noticed cum floating in the water...what if your grandma swam in that pool after...why am I thinking of so many random things!?)

Honeymoons an excuse for a sex-vacation...totally plausible! Anything wrong with sex-vacations...nope.

Cellular Calamity and more from my Job

Aside from story time and graham crackers, my job is like day-care. One benefit of this is, I am not having to supervise children. As I have stated before, I am not prone to the care of children, nor do I enjoy the company of the little "booger-eaters," so keeping an eye on adults who are sometimes immature, like children, is okay in my book.

I have told people countless times at my job (I am talking more about the patrons than other co-workers) that cell phone usage is not prohibited within the computer lab, where I work. It gets annoying when you are confined in a small, glassed case full of desks with computer monitors resting upon their frame, and computer towers resting on the floor, and several of the patrons' phones begin to ring, and they do not understand that their phones come with volume control. It's also rather unnerving how predictable some people are.
People can pretty much give off a bad vibe; this revelation is the reason why I can tell which people are going to be problematic, and who is going to be calm. It is all about body-language, and that's self-explanatory. You sense something is wrong with a person if their composure is a little off-the-wall.

Cell phones annoy the shit out of me. They are a god-send, but also a curse. Think of the concept of cell phones - a phone you take with you, that never leaves your side, literally, because of belt-clips you can purchase for your phone to rest comfortably dangling from your pants, or, the simple fact that everyone carries a phone on them, be it in-pocket or outside their clothes. Even kids as young as nine-years-old have cell phones and that just up and scares me. A cell phone is not like a puppy, there to help convey the importance of responsibility. You honestly think a nine-year-old really needs a cell phone? I can imagine how costly that would be, but my assumptions conclude that the only people buying their nine-year-olds cell phones probably do not have to worry about money. What possible reason is there for a nine-year-old to have a cell phone, and not give me that bullshit that, "Well, we now know where she is at all times," because I don't buy that for a second! You bought the kid a cell phone because he or she is spoiled, and, since her friends wear make-up, she thinks she needs make-up, or his friend George is dating already, he should as well...her friend says, "At least my daddy bought me an iPhone..." That's the last thing your pre-teen needs to be: a follower.

I have, unfortunately, some people in my life - friends or friends-of-friends - who insist that I must be up at all times of the night. It amazes me how many phone calls I will receive after midnight when I have my phone set to wake me up at 8 a.m., and I am trying to get to sleep before one in the morning. Sure, it's my fault I use my phone as an alarm clock, but the last time I checked, I bought that fucking phone for three main purposes, they are, one: for emergency phone use, or wanting to talk privately to my friends, two: if I am unable to make a call, I want the option to text message instead, and finally, three: the alarm-function, which is now standard on every cell phone, is a necessity! No, I did not buy a phone for Snake, the outrageously now-unpopular 2-bit game for every phone made in the 90's; why would you even assume I wanted a phone for web-access...what are you looking up on the web that you couldn't look up on a god damn computer!? Oooo, nifty! You got the new jam from Kanye as your ringer - great! Can't wait for you to be in line with me in a crowded establishment, and have your stupid, fucking cell phone go off, and you fucking know it's your phone ringing, but you're grooving to your jam that sounds like it was recorded on a fucking answering machine, taken out and set on fire, then, ripped into a digit file transfer, and uploaded on to your fucking razor! That makes me fucking sick! Why is it that every fucking standard ring-tone on the fucking phone is like some Japanese kid's Final Fantasy soundtrack on crack!? Let me go through a few of these ringers for you; cricket...yeah, that's the ring tone I like - high pitched, fucking bleating...awesome! Let's see...Oh! FUCKING CANADA! That's funny...I don't know another countries' national anthem, but I'll put it on my fucking phone any ways...you hate Canada and you know it!
Here in the lab, we insist and enforce people to shut the ringer off on their phone, and to, once called, remove themselves from the lab quietly, and take the call outside. Some of those people insist to ignore the part about taking the call outside and instead mosey on into the book-stacks. That's a fare compromise, as long as they are quiet.

Some people, I'm afraid, for some odd reason or another, have to yell into their phones. Again, they just are too stupid to comprehend this new device called the cell phone...which has been around since the eighties, only now they are not as big as your arm as they were then. I won't even get into how annoying blue tooth is - "Oh wow, the receiver is an earpiece?! I never would have imagined I would be so worthless of existence to be lazy enough to not be able to hold a fucking cell phone to my ear...BY MYSELF!!!" Makes absolute, perfect sense - let's all go out and buy a useless $60-$100 attachment for our phone, so we don't have to press a button on the phone itself to answer a call or pick the phone up at all! I can see how beneficiary it would be if you were rock-climbing, or if you had only one arm, and even the one that was left did not work right, or you were having your eighth child in-a-row because you're a walking uterus, and only have two arms for two of the kids, while the other five are playing with assorted pits of rusty metal and broken syringes in a sand box filled with fragments of glass and possible fecal matter, considering its location were a back-alley in the Red Light district of Singapore, ripe with sexually transmitted disease and infection, while the one dangling from an umbilical cord, dragging along the ground unnoticed by its mother, is holding on to a severed hand...then I would understand the use of a blue tooth attachment...

It's a waste of money, as is this rant being a waste of someone elses' precious time.

My job can sometimes get the better of me. Patience is a not-so comforting seductress; she has a whip-in-hand, and is giving you a safety-word before you have tamed her. Many o' things can come down to patience. Behavioral problems are sometimes attributed with it. Luckily, my job does not entitle me to have to be patient with people, though it helps. Hell, I could be an asshole, and the benefactor of that would be me being looked upon more as an authority figure because we all know those with authority are assholes. Most of the time, though, if I am more at ease with the job, the job goes quicker; a nine-hour shift seems like four. But the people seem like children having to be led around. How complicated is this transaction: I ask for a first and last name, they give the first and last name, I let them have a computer. Not too hard, right, in fact, infantly simple. But then again, I get people who do not use commonsense. All the computers are left on the desktop screen, so you should be able to just double-click the internet explorer to browse the web. However, a patron will always ask, "Do I have to turn on the computer, or is it already on?" Grinds my gears....so in a sense, yes, my job is like day care for adults, and our rules, even when they seem unnecessary and encroaching, are there for a reason - so the workers of the computer lab do not get annoyed as much. If the rules are in clear view, as they are in the lab, tacked up on the walls, or you are on the honor system, do the right thing. Quit trying to be a martyr!