I haven't written on here for awhile now. Sucks when you don't have anything to write. Am I that uninteresting to not be able to think of something to write? You know, sometimes when conversing with friends I haven't seen in a long, long time, I'll be asked what I've been up to since the break, and I have come to realize, I don't do anything. Well, I take that back...I hang out with a lot of people over the week, but we usually just sit around, or we go out to eat and talk, and sometimes we play video games, so it is not like I'm not busy, or popular around people, it's just - this town is really a bummer. There is really nothing to do in Hutchinson, Kansas and people at this point might be saying, find something to do. This town is boring, there's nothing to do.
Sure, we have a club, in fact, a few, and bars - well, I take that back - we have more bars than we have clubs. What else is there to do in a Hutchinson bar besides drinking? I've seen people sing; they flock around the karaoke machine, and slowly kill us all with badly harmonized lyrics to classic love songs from the 80's and 90's, everyone takes a sharp object and inserts it into their ears, others commit suicide with the help of an extension cord. Some people dance: yeah, get hammered drunk and then just stand swaying to the music. A few minutes later you're dizzy, sweating out the booze, and now are desperate for a seat. On occasion, you get the person who thinks dancing means you jump up-and-down in a crowd of people. These people tend to throw up almost immediately. What about the people who think they are dancing, then crowd-surf only to be dropped on their heads as more and more of the people lose interest in the activity, and abandoned to keep a person hoisted up in the air? Or the fired-up people who come to the bar already high, start drinking, are notoriously known to be an "angry drunk" and then begin starting trouble, maybe a fight has broken out, or they are yelling out swear words and being a menace, and now they stand outside trying to persuade the so-called "bouncer" to let them in, if they promise to behave? No, I don't like that. And bouncer is the wrong description for this person. Door-man. Door-person. Door-people. Gatekeeper. Is there a key-master?
I don't go to the clubs here, or, I guess, anywhere, considering I've only been to two clubs in my life, and they were both located here. Let's see, you limit-out the clubs in town, oh, and the bars because a lot of them are gross-looking and I'm not too fond of the whole mickey-in-your-drink, wake-up-in-a-stranger's-cellar, after-a night-of-rape-type person. Of course, you've got the movie theatre, and we even have a bowling alley for entertainment. We used to have a baller mini-golf course until they stopped taking care of it, then it closed. We have coffee shops, but they're all mediocre; I could drink coffee in my house and have the same experience, that's if I drank coffee - I don't. So I can say self-sufficiently that I don't do anything. And I've already realized that's pretty sad.
I never have anything to say when I meet new people, and I hate that! I'm a first-impression kind of guy - you have to excel at that first introduction. Basically, this rant has come to serve my inadequacy, or a reference to my drab existence. I'm not going to further discuss myself, wasting a good post, so I decided, spur of the moment-type deal, to finish this post off with a few random thoughts of mine, as well as a post I only saved as a draft, apparently, and never actually posted. So here we go.
Jesus Would Make a Killing Selling Car Insurance
Yes, I said it! If you were involved in a car accident, let's say, totalling your car completely, if Jesus was your car insurance claim, wouldn't a simple apology fix everything? Jesus would snap his fingers, and (wah-la!) new car. Jesus would also offer huge savings, as opposed to other insurance claimers; one rate, accidental forgiveness, absolutely no price spikes. You get in an accident, you would not have to worry about paying more to be insured; Jesus would proclaim, "I am not here for personal gain. I'm only here to give you honest and trusting coverage on your new and older model vehicle."
Pretty much, if Jesus worked from home, he'd probably make a killing in any profession. Just imagine Jesus having a backyard burger establishment, Jesus wearing a "Kiss-the-Cook" apron, grilling in an authentic, back-porch atmosphere, complete with a mini-golf course for the kids and adults who are kids-at-heart.
I just recently found this post, labeled as a draft on my dashboard, read through it, and thought, hey, what a clever example of a person thinking abstractly. At the time, it was another witty way for me to express a point, but now, I'm at a loss as to where I initially was taking the thought. I mean, was I going to approach the topic of insurance fraud, mainly in the automotive industry, or was I simply ranting about how successful Jesus could be living today, with his special abilities and all-that-jazz...who knows...personally, I'd like to see Jesus as a rapper. I don't remember if I've done this yet or not...
Random Thoughts
I'm sick of seeing the fat guy from Borat without a shirt or fully nude. It bothers me. Does that guy not own clothes? Where did they find that guy? Does he work for meatball subs? I feel bad for his body, and other vital organs sustaining his fat ass; his heart must look like a mini basketball stuffed with ricotta cheese! People are probably saying, "But Austin, you're fat." This guy is bigger than me. I can say these kind of things - I compare it to some black people using the N-word.
Harrison Ford a.k.a Indiana Jones looks like a girl now that he has a tiny diamond earring. I can seriously see Harrison Ford, after breaking Calista Flockhart's pelvis when they engaged in sex, going to the bathroom and looking in the mirror, saying, "I've still got it," then thinking to himself, "I should get a earring because I nailed a skeleton!" He decides, "I don't want a hoop, I could do without a loop, or a bulky, diamond-studded earlobe, with a platinum chain to swoop..." I don't know why Indiana Jones now thinks and talks like Dr. Seuss...don't really care actually, now to continue with my thought. So him and his girlfriend/wife Calista walk out in to public, and people are screaming, "That's Harrison Ford! Indy!!! COVER YOUR HEART!" Some douche bags pipe in, one imitating Chewbacca, the other saying, "Easy Chewy..." while someone else is pointing, "It's Han Solo...with Ally McBeal..." and all that other nonsense. Harrison gets his left ear pierced, and decides to go with the creepy-neighbor-who is-always-watching-you-intently-when-your-washing-your-car look. Or maybe the gay-antique-jewelery-shop-owner look. Or the I'm-hip-with-the-times-for-being-66-years-of-age look. Or how about the I-know-with-an-earring-I'll-look-like-a-pirate, but-I-can't-decide-whether-or-not-to-be-a-pirate-or-a-princess-or-a-pirate-princess! I'll-buy-this-tiny-stud-for-my-ear, look-I'm-a-pirate-princess! look??? I think I lost it with that one... It's hard to speculate what he was thinking, but it looks awful; get rid of it!
(the end)
