To a psychiatrist, I might sound negative because of my consistent use of the word hate, but I hate house flies, I hate double-sided DVDs, I hate men with spiky, teen-hair wearing light-and-"sunny" colored dress shirts, I hate the fact that you can get everything relatively cheaper shopping online, and I hate mustaches.

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!

House Flies: is it just me or are house flies harder to kill? You get one buzzing around in the blinds of your windows, and you might say to yourself, "well, well, well, you little winged cunt, I've got you now," as you use the environment against the fly by slamming a fist into the blinds nearly severing the annoying piece of shit in half, but relatively only smashing the bugger into the glass. He had it coming. Moments later, he's seemingly returned from the dead, this time lingering around the ceiling so you are forced to get up from whatever comfortable position you were in on the couch, and the next thing you know, you're chasing that little bastard all around the room, cursing each time he narrowly escapes the fly-swatter. Speaking of fly-swatters, they just don't cut the mustard anymore unless you're an ex-ball player, or have a death strike of a cobra. I have a feeling flies have learned how to harness our armor-technology.

Double-sided DVDs: it's bad enough one of my discs in the first season box set of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia got scratched because it wasn't properly inserted into the protective casing or came loose while being shipped, but fuck me with a lit cigar, it's worse when both surfaces of the disc are readable; I'm talking about dual-sided DVDs. They just warrant the disc unplayable within a year of use. Hell, all the seasons of Quantum Leap on DVD are double sided, and the first time watching the first disc on season three, sure enough the son of a bitch skipped during the whole episode of Black on White on Fire, in which Sam leaps into a black medical student during the Watts riots of 1965. That's a very emotional episode, and Sam barely manages to live through it. Do you think I was able to follow the plot when Sam was at a barbeque and then the disc skipped to a scene where a car was on fire, and Sam was getting ruffed up by policemen? Mother fucker. It's like handling plutonium when you are trying desperately not to smudge or scratch or smear the surface of a double-sided DVD. You have to hold the edges, but be cautious - if you get a fingerprint on either slick surface, be prepared to start the movie, and then stop it almost immediately because the DVD is skipping. And is Universal that much of a whore - on each disc or "side" of the DVDs for Quantum Leap I first get the trademark music and world globe sequence credited to Universal before the disc menu, I get it before each episode, I get it before playing certain special features. What in the hell?

Men with spiky, teen-hair wearing light-and-"sunny" colored dress shirts: this look is not impressive. Don't ever gel your hair and spike it up. You're not an adult. And to dress up, choosing a mango-colored or pineapple yellow buttoned-down shirt to "catch the eye" - what are you thirteen and a pussy? How are the World Championship Croquet - Semi-finals going this year? Why so sad - did Smoothie King run out of Yerba Mate - Pomegranate mix?

A guy came in to my work sporting this look. Also, I had a handicapped man who was stuck in one of our chairs - each time he tried lifting himself from the computer chair, he fell backwards in it, frustrated. I could've helped him, emphasis on could've, but I wasn't going to. He just kept falling down, and I kept ignoring him. Finally, the man who had come in earlier with the spiky hair and "sunny" colored buttoned down dress shirt shuffled over and helped pull the man out of the chair, then gave him a quick once over to see if he was okay, patted him on the shoulder and said, "There you are, sir!" Your flashy dress shirt wasn't enough, you had to save a man from being stuck in a chair!? Fuckin' boy scout, return the shirt to Banana Republic and start wearing a fuckin' cape, or better yet, a man's shirt!

Shopping online: I think credit card companies want people to stay in credit card debt. Those cheap, flashy prices online can distort a non-smart person's view, and that person could blow large quantities of moneys on a few items because of a drop in price from in-store inventory. Everything online is relatively cheaper than what it's marked in the stores. I'll cite Walmart.com as an example. On Walmart.com, the box sets of House M.D. are mostly $20, or a little higher for seasons 1-4; season 5 was just released, so it still has a hefty price tag. Universal (fucking UNIVERSAL) has collected the first five seasons in a convenient, legitimately low-priced boxed set, which at first I thought was a little contrived. The series will soon run its coarse in the next four years, so a full boxed set of the series will come out after the final season. And of course right as I speak, fans of the show could simply download all the seasons from a torrent site and save the cash. In a way this is absolutely brilliant, but I'm the kind of person (moron) who, sure, downloads all the episodes and has them stored on my computer, and also buys the DVDs. There's nothing wrong with doing that for your favorite shows.

Who wants to be on their computer that long?

Don't you try something out before you buy it!? I'm not gonna blow $50 on release day for season one of something just to see what the show is like. Forget the hype. 24 sucks, people. Lost sucks. If I wouldn't have known about the torrents, I might have said, "Oh, what the hell, let's get this one," rented it or bought, and if purchased it, I'd be having a bonfire right now, or making $20 less reselling it.

If I have friends who appreciate the show, I don't want to tell them to go and illegally download the content, I'll share my DVDs so they can watch episodes they've missed or get as hooked to the show as I am. The same with movies. Let me jump off that soap box for a bit, back to the markets. So, researching different prices at varying sites, Walmart.com had the cheapest price, but herein lies the deceit. On regularly priced DVDs of House (the in-store prices of 33-something a piece) you are given the option to site-to-store, shipping it to your location. Not bad considering no postage. Or, get the discounted seasons without the option of site-to-store, and you pay shipping - if you are doing what I wanted, which was to buy all 5 seasons, that alone would be upwards of a hundred some odd dollars, plus the interest rate from your credit card, plus tax and a charge from the store to your bill for the exchange being a credit purchase, all-in-all you're pretty much paying full price. Now, I went to my local Target store because I live in Kansas, and not in Wichita, Lawrence, or any other relatively large city within Kansas - Target, Walmart, and Hastings are my three locations to choose from. Target at one time had the 5 season House boxed set aforementioned, most likely the week of the release. But now they've opted out of that exchange, for you see Walmart now carries House in individual DVDs and have been since the release of the show's first season. After talking with an Associate, they didn't even order the 5 season boxed set, the reasoning, if I even have to say it, was because they could make more money selling the seasons individually. Target followed shortly after, pulled the 5 season boxed set, and is now selling the individual seasons, which they only have two, three, four, and five. Season Four was short due to the Writer's Strike, so it's priced $30, the rest are still $45 a piece. Going to the Walmart store in my town, they sell seasons one, three, four, and the fifth; the fifth season being the priciest, the rest $34. Hastings last had the seasons for $35 a piece, but only had one, four, and five. Obviously, if I wanted these seasons, it was going to cost some green, and I'd have to run around to get the best deal. Screw deals! And some of the shit you can get online for insanely low prices, some are awesome, in fact, a lot of those deals are awesome, but online shopping just pisses me off. Convenient, but slow. Great deals, but figure in the whole cost and it's only a few dollars less than on sight. For me, quality is a big deal. I ordered Quantum Leap and It's Always Sunny on DVD a couple months back. Because it was shipped, some of the DVDs are scratched. Quantum Leap again is a doubled-sided DVD release - scratching those fuckers is both easy to do, and ultimately damaging to the playback of the DVDs. I'll end up having to rip them to blank DVD-R's. It's Always Sunny had a scratched disc, and who the fuck knows, they were discounted. I wonder if they were previously viewed, though I'll never know, it was supposedly a "good deal" online...

I hate mustaches: Lip-ferrets are unsanitary. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't ever want to have to check my mustache for dangling nose-trolls, food particles, liquids, or for that matter, untamed renegade whiskers that can turn a primped, glorious 'stache into "OH FUCK, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR FACE!?!!" Male news anchors from the 70's could pull off the 'stache, Joe Namath at one point of his career had a handle bar mustache that tickled a lot of women's nether-regions; that is fact! He didn't look great with it, and it was probably littered with unspeakable filth, but he sported it non the less. I can't grow a full mustache. That embitters me, I am left embittered and sour due to that fact. I can grow a weak mustache that pokes my mouth with whittled stinger, what I like to call, spider-fang hairs; it's way too itchy and uncomfortable - not a good fit at all, frankly. So maybe that's why I hate it that other people can grow a Magnum P.I. soup-strainer, or a Frank Zappa Imperial cookie-duster, the fact that I can't do it myself. Regardless, I despise the mustache. I want them hunted down and killed.