Mad-chic Magic

Well, David Blaine is at it again. He's on his way to completing his next death defying stunt of being underwater, wearing a diving helmet that allows two-way communication, for a week! Wait! That's not death defying...that is like saying, "Here, this shit is dangerous! Go digging in the ground, find an earthworm, and eat it! You won't live through that one!"

David Blaine has what? Balanced on a 22-inch circular platform atop a 100-foot pole for 35 hours; got buried alive in a see-through coffin for a week; survived inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours; fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over a river. That last one is pretty haggard. Can anyone really survive for 40 days without food or water...oh, right...someone DID! Answer is Jesus, right? Jesus did that!

Looking around on various fancy/pantsy science and anatomy websites, I found that the answer to how long a human being could go without food is a very hard question to get answered. First, you must look at the muscle and fat mass of the subject. David Blaine looks like a skinny, toothpick, heroine junky, but I could only speculate that if that guy wanted to wolf down a pizza or two, he'd find room. As for muscle, if that little bitch were ever in a knife fight, that bitch is gettin' shanked like a mutha! What the body can resort to doing in desperate times (starvation) is it starts to consume fat storage. Once those carbs are burned, the body turns to muscle for substance. Delicious protein! When muscle is gone, you're shit out of luck because not only can you not eat anymore due to weakness and the resistance from your tummy, but now you can't move. Then, the body turns to your vital organs for support, and shuts down whatever you don't need. That's into your last few days, possibly around day 50-60. Relatively, you have about a month with no food.

Water was a simple answer. 3-5 days. So how'd David Blaine do it? Was he even deprived of water? QUOTES!!!

"(He was given) much bedding, a sports bag, a photo of his departed mother and a diary and pencil were...loaded aboard. Compared to his other feats this seemed to be not very challenging - even Blaine appeared bored and disinterested."

When asked why 44, he said because his birthday was 4/4 (April 4th) and beyond days 45-50, you go blind. Right, Mr. Blaine...the real truth is, David Blaine wanted to one-up on Jesus. He was quoted to have said, "Savior my ass," while loading his magic sports bag with water, Hostess snack cakes, and beef jerky. (That's called sarcasm dipshits!)

Something about that damn bag doesn't add up. Let's look at more magic he did. The buried alive segment. Here's more quotage, this time from http://www.magicdirectory.com/blaine/buriedalive.shtml, the same site I got the other quote from. Here, it shows a day by day directory of what happened. Day 3 was astonishing.

"Day 3

Regis came down to view David in the casket. He offered him a hotdog and told him to come out of there. He made David laugh talking through a microphone telling him how crazy he looks.

David was under a blanket at some of the moments he was in there..."

You know you are receiving lots of attention you never got in high school when a senile old man starts throwing hot dogs at you...wait! That was Regis! What's up with this blanket shit? Are you cold? Catching a bit of a cold, so you need to be wrapped up in a blanket, huh? LIAR! That blanket was lined with food! NEXT!

The infamous block of ice trick. Funny...have you ever seen pictures for this? The guy's whole upper body is unseen, but you can see his legs. Oh, and he has a little peep hole for people to see him. Again, a communication head set, to tell him when people aren't around so he can eat and drink! You're still freezing your ass off, but so is all of Siberia. Magic: no. Houdini, you are not Mr. Blaine. You have to start wondering what David Blaine was like in high school. Probably the nerdy kid with his dungeon master's guide, his cape and top hat, quoting David Copperfield, wearing eyeliner and questioning his sexuality. Those were the days David Blaine went by Artimus Wolfcaster, the dark elf of Schneebof.